Give and Take
by Sawyersgirl
Summary: When Drake gets himself into deep stuff and ends up hurting more people then he wants, can he explain to everyone the reasons for his actions over the past few months without causing himself, Josh, or anyone else more pain?
1. I regret to inform you

Give and Take

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Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with any of the corresponding counterparts that are incorporated under the logo of Drake and Josh and or Nickelodeon.

I regret to inform you...

* * *

_-I can't write for long considering he'll be home soon, but I'm starting to worry. It's not like I ever ment for anything to get this out of control. I never ment to hurt the people I did...and the people who haven't been hurt but soon will. It's just that I can't take it anymore, I really can't. Things, well, life in general, hasn't gone my way lately and I'm begining to wonder is it worth it all. I've got to jet, he's home now and will be up questioning things, actually me, about all this soon._

_Drake._

Drake quickly shoved the black journal into his guitar case and picked up the fender. He played a few chords, putting on his I'm-concentrating-don't-bother-me face back on. His heart was pounding and he could tell this chirade wasn't going to hold long with Josh. Josh could always see through him, so much so it scared Drake so sleep in the same room as him.

"Brotha, you've got a lot of explaining to do." Josh stormed as he threw his backpack onto his bed, proceeding to climb the ladder to Drake's.

Drake swallowed hard. He'd done some pretty low things in his lifetime, but this was the lowest of all, Drake knew that. He also knew that no ammount of words, explanations, or empty 'I'm sorry's' was going to make up the all the thing's that he'd done.

"Josh...I can't begin to explain." Drake began.

* * *

(three months earlier)

Josh sat quietly at the small desk in his and Drake's room. Focused on the tiny computer screen, Josh's eyes darted back and forth across an e-mail, that had been left open by his brother.

_-Drake, man, Scotties parents are out of town, you totally have to come over. He's having a killer party. They want you guys to play some music. Oh plus there's hott college girls._

_-Trevor._

Josh read and re-read the letter. Drake had gone to a party with college students there. Josh knew that his step-mom and dad would have never let Drake go if they knew college kids would be there, without chaperones. Josh sat in the chair debating about telling his parents about Drake's party.

Meanwhile...

Drake needed a quite place to warm up and tune his guitar. He seriously had second thought's about this party the instant he had shown up. When Drake had walked in the front door, there were couples making out, practically at fourth base, in the front hallway, more couples on the trashed sofas. There were puke stains on the carpet, and the whole place reeked of pot and alcohol, plus Scottie was nowhere to be found.

Drake strummed a few chords on his acoustic guitar. This party was pretty lame, even for something Scottie's level. He stood up, his head hurt and he didn't feel so well. The drink he was given tasted a little odd, and he was sure that someone had spiked it. He debated on just ditching the whole thing anyway, his band was nowhere in sight.

"Dra-ake, mannnn, thissss, sshhhit is aw-SOME!" A pretty wasted Trevor slurred as he stumbled on his way over.

"Trevor, you're drunk." Drake exclaimed as he quickly put his guitar in it's case and went over to help his friend.

"Ye-AH, I know, isssn't awwwwe-SOME!" Trevor repeated, he had just managed to spill the remaints of his drink on Drake. After Drake helped him up.

"WhOOOOOPSSSS, Dra-aKE, spilt some on ya." Trevor garbled as his face turned a few shades lighter and a little more green.

"Trevor, you okay?" Drake questioned, feeling a little nauseous himself.

"I'll be..." Trevor began. He'd just thrown up on the floor infront of Drake. Drake's face contorted in disgust. Compelled by his friends need he grabbed his guitar case and made the quickest escape to the door, towing a rather incompetent Trevor behind him. Drake was just about at the door when Trevor passed out, the weight of him was to much for Drake to carry so he slung him down on the pink, beer stained couch, five feet away from the door. Guitar in tow, Drake ran through the house looking for a familliar face to help him get Trevor home.

Drake headed towards the upstairs, figuring Scottie, or someone else he knew might be hiding up there. At the top of the staircase he saw a girl that he knew from school. She was sitting on the top stair, her head in her hands. She was wearing dark denim jeans, pink converse, a white button down sweater with a pink cami underneath. He didn't know her well, she was kind of un-popular, and from what he could tell, she didn't want to be at this party more then he did.

"Claire." He asked, swallowing his pride, no one else would know that they'd ever talked.

"Huh?" She questioned looking up at Drake. He could tell that she'd been crying, tears stained her face, and there were more welling up in her brown eyes.

"Claire, can you help me?" Drake pressed again. He needed help and he didn't care from whom it came from, just as long as they were sober enough to do it.

"Uh, sure." She said discreetly trying to dry her face and compose herself. The single coolest guy in school had just noticed her for the first time in her life, she didn't want to seem any more of an un-cool freak in front of him.

"Thank you so much." Drake offered in advance. "Follow me." He added as he turned down the stairs. Claire following him. He lead her over to the couch where Trevor lay, flat out, next to a non-coherent couple making out. He turned around to see the shock on Claire's face. This kind of party wasn't really her scene and he couldn't help but wonder why she was even here.

"I need you to help me take my friend home." Drake stated as he grabbed Trevor's and pulled him up off the couch. "Grab his other arm and support his weight over your shoulder." he instructed Claire, who did so ardently. "Can you drive?" He asked Claire. She nodded in approval.

The two carried Trevor out to her car. She drove a white Jeep wrangler. The top was off, and he couldn't help but envy the laid back, beachyness to her car. They placed Trevor in the back, which was quite a task considering the height of the car and the fact that it had no rear doors.

After they laid Trevor down in the backseat Claire climbed into the drivers seat and fumbled through her black purse for her keys. It was obvious how nervous she was. Her heart was racing, Drake Parker, the most popular guy in her class and probably in the whole school,was sitting next to her in her car, not making fun of her as his crew normally did.

"Where does he live?" She questioned not looking at Drake, but looking strait ahead at the road infront of her.

"Grossamer Circle." Drake replied as he ran his hand through his hair. It was probably way past his curfew, he'd probably get grounded, but that was the least of his worries. He had to find a way to get Trevor home without his parent's finding out.

"Nevermind that."Drake stated suddenly realising that there was no possible way to do that. The Sanders had a security system and you needed not only a key but a password to get into their house. "Shit." Drake cursed, knowing full well he couldn't take Trevor into his house alone. Josh would wake up, or Megan, or worse, his mom was probably waiting up for him.

"He can stay at my house." Claire whispered softly. Her parents weren't home, they wouldn't be for another few weeks. They'd gone to Cape Cod in Massachussets to vist their friends there. "My parent's aren't home and they won't be for another week." She added quietly.

"You wouldn't mind if I stayed with you?" Drake asked. "You know Trevor might freak out if he woke up alone." He added. He didn't want Claire to get the wrong impression.

"I don't mind." Claire replied. The only problem was she minded, she minded a lot in fact. Once again here was the coolest guy in school, asking to stay at her house, overnight.

"Good, I'll call my mom and tell her I'm staying at Trevors overnight. She thinks I'm there anyway." Drake spoke to no one in particular. He wanted to get away with this. He didn't want to get grounded again. He took his cell phone out of his pocket as Claire started the car. He dialed the number his heart racing as he pressed each number. He knew he left the e-mail open on the computer, he knew that Josh or worse Megan had probably read it and knew where he was this whole time.

"Drake, is that you?" His mother questioned, a stearn tone in her voice.

"yeah." he stated cooly.

"Drake, it's 11:45, that's 45 minutes past your curfew. You should have called 45 minutes ago if you were going to be late or if you were going to stay over at Trevors." She screamed. Drake knew that Claire could hear every word. She was polite enough to stay silent, Drake thanked her for that.

"I'm sorry mom." Drake appologized, not really meaning it.

"You better be. So what is it, you staying at Trevor's or comming home?" Mrs. Parker questioned a stearn, I-mean-business tone in her voice.

"I figured I'd stay at Trevor's, I'd have called you earlier, but we were rehearsing." Drake lied, he knew his mother could read right through it.

"That doesn't cut it Drake. It's the ninth time this month you've broken curfew. Drake you call or you come home is that understood?"

"yes ma'am."

"We'll discuss your punishment when you come home. I want you here no later then noon. Is that understood as well?"

"Yes ma'am." Drake confirmed as he hung up the phone. He placed his head back against the seat and sighed. The effects of whatever was in his drink were beginning to wear off and he just felt beat. His head was throbing and his mind was racing. He'd never felt this crappy in his life, except for the day his father died, but that was a different kind of crappy.

"Why were you at that party anyway?" Drake asked Claire.

Claire blushed, she had never wanted to go to that party anyway, her brother forced her. She thought of a lie to tell Drake.

"I just wanted to be cool for a minute." She muttered, knowing it was a likely lie, one that Drake would buy.

"Oh." Drake whispered. He knew how cruel his so called 'friends' were to her. It wasn't like they were really Drake's friends. They only cared and would continue to care about him, as long as he stayed attractive and played guitar. It was only last week he was in the middle of a group of girls who were bad mouthing Claire, calling her a slut, a whore, teachers pet, and many worse things. It hit him now how almost untrue it all could be and how evil girls could really be to one another.

"I'm sorry for what my friends say to you." Drake appologized, being the bigger person. Hell Claire deserved it with what she was doing for him now.

She looked at him. He sat there, his head back against the seat. He was wearing dark jeans, a Ireland soccer jersey, and his jean jacket. His eyes were closed and she couldn't tell if he had sincerly ment what he was saying or not. She mumbled an 'umhum' to his appology. Taking the hint that she didn't accept he turned to face her and apologized one more time.

"Claire, I really am sorry. I just realized what kind of crap they were saying." he half apologized half pleaded.

She turned to face him, their eyes meet. She could tell he was honest this time. She didn't need to see it in his face, or his eyes. He'd given her a second apology and that was enough evidence for her.

She pulled up in front of her house. She lived in a modest two story, white, cape inspired house. _Nice place_ Drake thought as he gazed up at the white house with red shutters. There was a wrap around porch in the front with a bench swing in the left hand corner. A brick path led from the driveway to the porch. It was lined with small azaleas and various bushes. Two lemon trees graced both sides of the deck.

Claire pulled into the driveway and parked the jeep in the garage. She turned on the light and unlocked the door. Both heaved Trevor out of the car, he let out a groan of complaint.

Together they carried him upstairs. Claire's house was just as modest and homey inside as it was outside. It looked like a house you'd find in a country living magazine. They entered through the mudroom which had workboots and rainboots neatly piled underneath a mammoth coat rack. Underneath a small window lay a basket of dog toys and kid toys.

Claire led them through a small hallway to the back staircase. They walked up the staircase into a gigantic rec room of sorts. It was painted blue and had dimmer lights in the ceiling. A red sectional sofa was placed infront of a mid sized tv. A day bed was built into the wall underneath a window that took up the whole wall.

"We can put him underneath the window." Claire said as they walked over and placed Trevor on the bed. "I'll go get some blankets. The bathroom's through that room and to your left." She informed Drake as she walked into the room she'd just indicated the bathroom was to the left of. It was obvious that it was her room, Drake soon realized after he'd followed her in to use the bathroom.

It was painted dark pink. There was a small desk underneath a metal and cork board. Her bed was a full sized bed and was covered in a white, fluffy comforter, with many pillows, all various sizes and different shades of pink. Ranging from red to white.

Claire opened up her closet and pulled out two blankets. She walked out of her room and placed one on Trevor. She'd known to keep him on his side incase he threw up again in his sleep. Drake had already told her he'd done it once at the party. She left the other blanket on the back of the couch for Drake.

In the bathroom Drake washed his face and leaned over the sink and examined himself in the mirror. He didn't recognize the person he saw in the reflection. This Drake was someone he didn't know. He had turned into the careless Drake, the party Drake, and he wasn't sure that he liked him. He bent his head down holding back the tears that were forming. He had to change his habits and he had to change them now. His life was heading down the gutter fast and he knew it. He barely kept a D average, his actions were hurting people who didn't deserve it, and his friends were all slowly wasting by him.

He walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to Claire on the couch. He took his jacket off and threw it over the back. The two sat there in an akward silence for a few moments. Drake pinched the bridge of his nose, his headache worsening.

"You want advil or something?" Claire offered, her mother had frequent migranes and she knew the signs of a headache well.

"That'd be helpful." Drake admited as he lay down on the couch.

Claire got up and went into her bathroom and grabbed two advil and a glass of water.

"Here." she said as she handed Drake the water and the two pills.

"Thanks." he replied as he sat up and took them.

Drake grunted and placed his head down on Claire's lap, almost instantly falling asleep. She reached behind her grabbing the white flannel blanket and placed it over Drake's sleeping body. Her face flushed. The hottest boy, the boy she'd had a crush on since Freshman year of high school was sound asleep on her lap. She smiled contently. _Maybe everything does happen for a reason _she thought.


	2. Don't tell mom

Chapter Two 

**Don't tell mom**

-_I'm so worried, it's 2:52 p.m. and Drake isn't home yet. I think his, our, Mom knows, she seemed pretty angry around midnight. I hope he's okay, it isn't like him to stay out this late past curfew. Mindy told me that the party got busted, I hope Drake isn't in jail or worse. He doesn't know how much I worry about him, plus even if he did I don't think he'd care much. Plus the only way he'd ever find out I worry would be if he read this journal. Which he won't ever read because I hide it really well. Megan hasn't even found it yet. I wonder if he used the one I got him for Christmas? Anyway, I've got to stop wondering about him and get some sleep, I have a test on Monday_.

_-Josh

* * *

_

Drake awoke on the red couch at Claire's house. He woke up with that feeling you have when you think you're home, but when you can see and think more clearly you realize that you're not. He looked around and took in his surroundings once more, this time in daylight. Trevor was still asleep on the day bed, he was moaning incessently though. -He must have one hell of a hangover- Drake thought.

He looked around for Claire, moving the white fleece blanket off of him. She'd taken extremely good care of him and Trevor last night, he made a mental note to write her a card or get her a gift. He heard water running and figured she was in the shower. He glanced at the digital clock on the DVD player by the TV. -8:32- it read. _3 and a half more hours untill I can go home_ Drake told himself.

He didn't want to go home, at least not yet. He knew he was going to be punished for not being home by curfew, that was the least of his problems. What concerned him most was the fact that Josh probably knew where he had been last night and he didn't want questions.

Claire walked out of the door to her bedroom, glad to know that Drake was awake. She hadn't slept well last night and had gotten up around 6:30.

Drake turned to see Claire exit her room. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a dark blue cami. Her wet blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail.

"Drake, you can take a shower if you want. I can get you a change of close also." She told him while picking up the blanket and folding it.

"Thanks so much." Drake thanked her. He knew that no ammounts of Thank you's or I'm sorry's could ever repay the kind of debt he owed her.

"It's no problem really." Claire replied, still a little embarrassed and self concious to be around Drake.

"So the clothes are where?" Drake questioned getting up from the couch.

"Follow me." Claire stated as she walked through yet another door.

The door led to a hallway. To the left there was another staircase, I gigantic one. The ceiling had skylights and a rather large and very eloquent chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Drake looked down and realized that it was her front entryway he was looking at. The walls were painted an off white and there was wood floors beneath.

They walked down the hallway, family potraits lined the walls. Four faces gazed down upon him. Claire's mother, father, older brother, and herself, all with smiling faces and perfect hair and clothes. He hated that kind of stuff. He knew that in all family photos like that everyone was pretending to be perfect. To him that was lame. In his family photos you could always tell how everyone felt, no one tried to be 'perfect'.

Claire entered a room to the right, it was her older brothers. Charlie, Claire's older brother, had been one of the most popular kid in his class. He had graduated when they were only Freshmen. Charlie was the all around good guy, straight A student, pro athelete, popular with the ladies. Charlie was also know for his party side when the teachers, parents, and coaches weren't looking. Rumor had it that he was invovled in countless frat parties, drinking games, and pot circles. Drake alleged all these rumors to be true. Considering a lot of the upper classmen, who had adopted him in his younger years of high school, had been at those parties.

The room was a pale shade of blue with a full sized bed in the middle. It was evident that Charlie had been home for the past few weeks, some clothes were scatered about, and the bed wasn't made.

"Here this'll probably fit you." Claire said handing Drake a pair of jeans and a pink Abercrombie and Fitch shirt. If there were two things Drake hated the most it was Abercrombie and Fitch and pink. He didn't say anything though, Claire had been nice enough to offer him the clothes.

"Thanks."

"There's another bathroom down the hall, second door on the left. If you want to change." Claire added as she walked out, leaving Drake in the room.

He walked into the bathroom and changed his clothes. He was relived to put on something clean and something that didn't smell like booze. He brushed his hair and rinsed his mouth out with water. Last night was still hovering in his mind. The sites and the sounds were enough to make him change his lifestyle, he didn't want to end up like that, he didn't want to go down that path. The former Drake Parker, the womanizing, slacking, partying, rule breaking, Drake Parker was no more. Sure he'd still devote himself to his band, but he'd also spend less time chasing girls, focusing on his popularity, and spending more time trying to get better grades. Josh could help him with that.

Drake walked back to the playroom, down the stairs and to the kitchen. Claire had out a blender and a can of tomato juice. She was looking through the cabinets for something. Drake sat down on a chair at the island.

"What are you making?" Drake asked as he watched Claire put some lemon juice into the blender.

"A remedy for hangovers. My brother taught me how to make it." Claire said. "It's for Trevor, I'm assuming he has a pretty nasty one."

"Oh." Drake sighed un-enthusiastically. Claire was going to such extremes to make him and Trevor as comfortable as possilbe. Drake would have gladly accepted sleeping on the couch with his jacket as the only source of warmth.

"You can have whatever you find." Claire said as she pulled a jar of tyme out of a cabinet and added a pinch to the blender.

"You don't happen to have sugar-O's and Mocacola do you?" Drake asked, that being his favorite thing for breakfast.

"Yeah, Sugar-O's are in that cuppboard and that Mocacola is in the fridge." Claire said indicating a cabinet to her left. She reached up and pulled out a bowl and got a spoon from a drawer. She handed them to Drake.

She watched as he poured a bowl of Sugar-O's and then proceeded to fill the bowl with Mocacola.

"I had no idea anyone else did that." She stated in awe.

"You eat Sugar-O's with Mocacola instead of milk?" Drake questioned looking up at her, a sanguine smile crossing her face.

"Yeah, I know it's kind of disgusting and bad for you, but it tastes good." She laughed, Drake laughed too. All this time he thought he was the only one stupid enough to eat something like that.

"You want a bowl then?" He offered as he grabbed a bowl out of the cuppboard she'd just taken his from.

"Why not." She said as she turned on the blender crushing the ice cubes and mixing the contents of the hangover elixar. Drake poured her a bowl of Sugar-O's with Mocacola. She poured the tonic into a glass. He took her bowl and they walked up stairs.

Trevor was awake when they got upstairs,it was evident that he was in pain.

"Here drink this." Claire whispered as she placed the drink in Trevor's hand.

"Who are you and what is this?" Trevor questioned.

"That's unimportant, just drink." Claire instructed, her voice still hushed. It was apparent that she had handeled someone with a hangover before.

"This tastes like shit!" Trevor exclaimed.

"I know, just drink, it'll make you feel better trust me." Claire said standing up and walking back towards the couch. She and Drake sat their eating their breakfasts while Trevor sipped the tonic holding his nose.

"You have to be home by 12, right?" Claire asked Drake.

"Yeah."

"We'll leave at 11:15 to get Trevor home." Claire stated. She'd been planning this out for the past few hours. She didn't want Drake or Trevor in anymore trouble then they'd had been. She also didn't want the two of them there if Charlie came home.

"Can we leave after I finish eating?" Drake queried, he wanted to impress his mom, hoping for a lesser punishment, and wanting to tell Josh not to tell mom if he hadn't yet.

"Fine, whatever you want." Claire said looking at her watch. It was only 9:15.

The Parker-Nichols household was up and busy with their affiars. It was Saturday, chore day, and Mrs. Parker was more stern then ever with her chores all because of Drake.

"Mommy, I don't want to clean up Josh's mess." Megan cried as she pointed to a pile of video games on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Sweetie, you don't have to, you've done enough for today go play outside." Mrs. Parker said as she patted Megan's head. Megan ran outside past Josh who'd seen the whole thing, an evil smile on her face.

"Josh pick up you games now." Mrs. Parker instructed her step-son. A don't-mess-with-me look on her face. Josh quickly picked up the games and retreated to his room. It was 9:30 and Drake still wasn't home. His step-mom hadn't said anything regarding Drake, so Josh didn't worry as much, but he still worried. He called Mindy, hoping she was awake.

"Josh, what's wrong? Our designated taking time isn't for another 10 and half more hours." Mindy asked a worried tone in her voice.

"Drake went to a college party last night and never came home." Josh told Mindy frantically. Concern plastered throughout his voice.

"Drake was at that party, the one that got busted?" Mind asked, amused and sort of happy. She silently wished that Drake had been arrested so Josh would have to find something bad about his step-brother.

"Yeah, I think so." Josh stated. "I hope he's not in jail or something." He worried.

"I'm sure Drake is fine." Mindy soothed Josh. She didnt' like to see Josh fret, she liked him calm.

"Is that all you called me about?" Mindy asked, she wanted to get her homework done early so she could see Josh later.

"Yeah, I'll call you later Mindy. I've got homework to do and questions to ask." He joked, Mindy always made him feel better.

"Love you Joshie Pie."

"Love you too."

Josh hung up the phone. He sank deeper into the couch he was sitting on. He was still worrying about Drake. He couldn't believe his brother had done something this stupid. Drake had done stupid things before, but this was something entirely new. Josh grunted in pity for his brother. -Why can't Drake just be a good kid for once, do the right thing? Why does he always have to be the James Dean?- Josh wondered. -Why?-

The white Jeep pulled over to the sidewalk, a block away from the Parker-Nichols house. Drake had asked Claire to do that so his mother wouldn't see him get out of her car.

"Claire..." Drake began,once again swallowing his pride. This girl had been so incredably nice to him and Trevor. Letting them into her house, feeing them, taking care of them. He knew there was only one thing that could come close to repaying the debt he owed her. "Can I ask you, well more like offer you something?" Drake questioned.

"I suppose." Claire replied tapping a rhythm on the steering wheel.

"Since you said you were at that party to be cool for a minute, I figured we, or you, can quit that whole party scene and sit with me and my friends tomorrow at lunch. I mean you don't have to if you don't want to." Drake rambled.

"Drake that means a lot to me, you have no idea, but I can't. Those people you call your friends have been jerks, real jerks for the longest time. I don't think I'd feel comfortable sitting with them." Claire explained feeling kind of bad that she'd be missing out on the opportuinity of a lifetime.

"You don't have to worry about them saying any nasty stuff to you. I'll make sure of that, they'll listen to me." Drake begged, he wanted her to say yes.

All it took was a night for this girl to change Drake, to grow on him. He was falling for Claire, he wanted her to be his, he wanted to claim her. The instinctual need to protect her and to know her in way only a boyfriend could was kicking in. Drake knew the desire well, he liked the way it felt to be with a new girl. He liked the intial 'getting to know you' phase and the feeling of transitioning into the exploration phase by making out. Commitment, to anything, girls especially wasn't Drake's thing. Hence why his relationships never lasted long, but Claire was different. He felt the primitive desires to protect and support Claire.

"I'll think about it okay?" Claire countered. She too was falling for Drake. She'd had a crush on him since her Freshman year. She'd moved here from Cape Cod. She'd had had friends back there, back home she was popular. Back in Mass. she was like her brother Charlie. Claire played flute in band, brought her soccer team, the Wizards, to State Championships in Boston, and was a straight A student. Her Freshman year at Cape Side high school was going to be awsome. She had tried out for Cheerleading and Soccer and had made both. It was when her father had been transfered to San Diego and she found out she was moving, did her life change.

Claire moved that summer leaving all her friends behind. 'I'll come back don't worry. I'll keep in touch.' was what she said to everyone as she left in June. She kept in touch with a few friends for the first couple of months in San Diego, but soon all fell out of contact. The school year arrived and Claire was as depressed as ever. Everyone seemed to snicker behind her back, they'd been talking about the 'new girl' over the summer and had already assumed what she was going to be like.

Girls were jealous of her because of her grades and her good looks. She had long blonde hair, brown eyes, slender frame and long legs.She was what all the girls envied.

She'd seen Drake over the summer hooking up with random girls at the Primere and various other places. Like all the other girls in town Claire thought Drake was cute and the added bonus of him in a band did him more justice. As school went on Claire liked Drake more and more, he was like the other boy's she'd dated back home. She secretly supported everything he did over the next 2 years all the while going unoticed by him, except when she was the target of his groups slander.

"Okay, the offer's always going to be on the table. Thanks again Claire, I owe you." Drake said as he opened the door and hopped out of the car. Despite the short distance to his house, it was going to be a long walk home.

Drake silently walked into the house. He didn't want draw too much attention to himself, he never could deal with confrontation much. When he didn't see anyone around he sighed in relief, but it didn't last to long, Josh was probably in their room. He sighed and walked up stairs.

"Drake..." Josh began.

"Josh, don't go there." Drake said coldly to Josh as he walked by and took of the hideous pink shirt.

"I know about the party last night." Josh declared his knowledge of his brothers secret life.

"Just so you know I didn't stay long." Drake chided as he brushed past Josh who was discretly trying to corner him.

"So then where were you last night?" Josh questioned, he wanted the truth, they were step-brothers after all. Plus Josh didn't spend most of the night worrying, not to get the cold shoulder. Josh wanted information and he wanted it now.

"None of your goddamn business Josh." Drake relpied callosly. "Hasn't anyone told you that before Josh. We have a freakin' code Josh, a pact. You don't meddle in my life, I don't meddle in yours. I swear to god you're becomming as sneaky and devious as Megan." Drake yelled. Josh sat down on his bed. He hadn't ment to make Drake angry, he wanted Drake to know that Josh was concerned about him.

"I'm sorry Drake..." Josh began but couldn't find the words to prove he was sorry. He was only sorry for making Drake angry.

"Josh, just whatever you do don't tell mom." Drake stated staring his brother in the eyes. His face told it all, Josh knew that. Drake was hiding something, something far bigger than that stupid party. JOsh didn't want to disrepect his brother anymore then he already had.

"I swear I won't."

"Good."

* * *

okay so I hope to get more up here soon but there's way too many factors against me, O.o... a) I have band camp b) School starts next week c) I have to think of what's going to happen next considering I started this story on a whim and d) I'm just so gosh darn tired. Bleh...anywho read and review!


	3. Never Say Never

Chapter Three

* * *

Never say never

* * *

note text in bold means memory

* * *

**It was the beginning of my new life and the end of the life I once lived, 3 months ago. I hate San Diego, it's too hot and the people are too stuck up. I liked the Cape Better, much better actually. I had friends there.**

**I didn't expect too much from today, I'm the new girl, people tend to shun new people in High School, especially girls like me.**

**I'm too perfect for here, at least that's what the other girls think. The echos of "Who does she think she is wearing Abercrombie like that?" and "She's from the east coast, east coasters are snobs. She's probably too smart from here." are still running through my head. It sucks everytime I hear something like that.**

**I tried out for soccer, I made the team but decided it wouldn't be the best thing, considering I'm a freshman who made Varsity. I guess that never happens here, because people started talking. So much for not drawing attention to myself.**

**The upside to San Diego is that there a more cute guys. There's a guy in my English class, his name's Drake or something. He's pretty cute, I hear he has a band. He's popular, so I don't think I stand a chance.**

**I Knew it was a mistake to wear what I did. Denim mini, white polo shirt with a striped Abercrombie vest. Too many girls sneered because, "I was better dressed then they could ever be." Girls can be so cruel when they want to be.**

**It's already the first day and rumors about my sex life are going around. In the bathroom I was greeted with uninviting faces as they whispered, "She's had sex with so many guys back home. She's basically a slut." to each other, glaring at me all the while. I hate girls like that, they don't know that I'm a virgin and now that they've said shit like that it'll probably hold true until I leave here.**

**It probably doesn't help much that I'm 'perfect' as everyone says, I don't think I am. I don't think you can define perfection, but I suppose that here in California, I define perfect. 5'6'', 115 lbs., blonde hair, brown eyes, atheletic, smart, and rich. I definatly don't think I'm perfect, there's way to much I'd change about myself.**

**I'm dreading comming back tommorrow. I'll make sure never to wear Abercrombie like that again. I'll just wear my old jeans, converse, and a tee-shirt. It'll draw less attention**.

* * *

The alarm clock went off, Drake moaned, he never liked getting up in the morning. He searched for the snooze button, he didn't need to shower.

Josh had been up since 4, he didn't sleep well the night before. He could of sworn he heard Megan in his room. Josh had investigated everything he could possibly think of for booby traps, but to his demise, he found none.

Josh had never known Megan like Drake had. Drake swore that she used to be such a sweet kid, but after the death of their father 8 years ago, she'd changed. Drake chalked it up to how she dealt with her pain, he let her do it, she at least had a way to deal with it, he didn't. He'd spent the better part of Middle school in and out of phychiatrist wards. They never helped him much, they were all phonies to him. Their advice was alway the same, and no he never did want to talk about it. Guitar was Drake's way of talking about it.

He'd stumbled across the old Fender acoustic when he was 10. His mom was selling all of Dad's old things and he saw the guitar out on the bed. He remembered when he was little sitting on the very bed listening to his dad play songs for him.

"Daddy play my favorite song." Drake would beg.

"What's that one agian?" His dad would joke.

"You know which one." Drake would say.

His dad would laugh and pat him on the head. He'd play a few chords then purposely sing the wrong song.

"Daddy, that's not the right song." Drake would say as his dad stopped playing. His dad would laugh.

"Sorry kiddo, I'll play the right one this time." His dad would say, a smile across his face.

Drake missed his dad. He'd never saw Megan grow up, she was only a few years old when he died and he never saw his son become the musician he is. Drake still played that guitar, feeling closer to his dad each time he played it.

"Daddy can you teach me how to play?" Drake asked one day when he was 7.

"Sure thing kiddo." His dad replied, he never got around to it though. He was diagnosed with cancer a few months later, never having the strength to teach his son, let alone play himself.

It was now 6:45 and Drake was still in bed.

"Drake, get up, you're going to be late for school." Josh bellowed as he shook his brother.

"Who cares if I'm late anway?" Drake questioned trying to push Josh off him.

"Mom." was all Josh had to say to get Drake up.

Drake threw on a pair of jeans and a red tee-shirt. He slipped on his black chucks and fixed his hair. He grabbed his guitar along with his backpack and walked downstairs.

He grabbed an orange juice out of the fridge and a granola bar off the counter.

"Hurry up, the Josh mobile leaves in 5 seconds." Josh said a goofy smile on his face.

"How many times have I told you not to say that?" Drake asked. "It's uncool."

"I'm going to keep saying it until you hurry your butt up." Josh stated as he walked out the front door, followed shortly by Drake.

The car ride was silent. Drake hadn't exactly forgiven Josh for what he'd done. Josh on the other hand couldn't think of anything to say to Drake. He was worried about him, something was different and he couldn't put his finger on it. That pissed him off.

Drake shoved his books into his locker. He didn't bother to make it look nice, it's not like he really cared anyway. He had a free period before lunch. -_It's nice to be Junior he thought_-

Instead of taking the time to study like most students did, Drake used it to sit in the courtyard underneath a tree and play guitar. A group of Sophomore girls were watching him, giggling and daring one another to go up and talk to him. They wanted to see if he'd take Sophie, a tall, slender brunette, to Homecomming.

Homecomming was a week away. Drake didn't usually make plans to go to dances. He disliked them, the music sucked, and they were always lame. He'd gone to homecomming last year with a Junior who'd taken a fancy to him. He'd only gone because she was an older girl who put out way to much.

Sophie walked over to him, blushing furiously the whole time. He didn't even look up from his guitar when she called his name.

"Drake?" She questioned again. She was like an annoying bug that wouldn't go away.

"Yeah?" Drake asked, he wanted to get this over with.

"Would you like to go to homecomming with me?"

"I'm sorry I already have a date." He lied, he planned on asking Claire, that was if she wanted to go. Sophie looked dissapointed and quickly walked away. -_Mission accomplished-_ he joked.

Drake was working on a new song. It wasn't about anything in particular, just kind of about life. He'd been thinking too much about his childhood lately, wondering what it was all about. He'd been thinking about his dad a lot lately and he wondered if it was just the fact that his missed him more than he used to. The last time he'd felt this way was when his Mom married Walter. It wasn't that Drake didn't like Walter, it was he couldn't ever replace his dad.

Lunch was in a few minutes and Drake couldn't help but wonder if Claire was going to sit with him. He wanted her to, but he knew it was a slim chance. Claire was nice in all, but Drake felt that he'd been to cruel to her for her to ever notice him in more than just a jerk way. He sighed, life had a funny way of doing crap like that to him. He never could quite hold on to what good things he had going for him. Torey crossed his mind, he'd lost not once, but twice, the only girl he ever cared deeply about in his lifetime, the first girl he'd ever gone steady with. He didn't want that to happen with Claire.

Claire saw him sitting there under the tree with the red fender. She smiled, he looked so humble sitting there with the guitar, for once he looked sort of human. She sat down next to him, quiet so she wouldn't disturb whatever chain of thought he was so evidently deep in.

He knew she was there, he'd felt her pressence when she sat down. He knew from the way she'd kept quiet that it was her. She was the only girl kind enough to do that, then again she was the only person in general to do that.

"Hey Claire." Drake said placing his guitar back in the bag.

"Hey." She returned as she twisted a few strands of her hair around her fingers.

"How's it going?" He questioned. Partially knowing the answer. People were talking about the party, mostly Trevor. They knew about him and Claire, or at least they thought they did.

"People are talking Drake." Claire stated, clearly hurt by it all.

"Let them. They don't know what happened."

She took that statement in. How could he be so calm about this, they were talking about him too. His reputation was at stake. If people really did think he'd had sex with Claire, it was a sure path to the road of un-popularity.

"Drake, you're reputation is at stake." Claire informed him, but he'd already know that the moment he called her name at that party.

"I don't care about that anymore. Claire I care about you." Drake slipped. It was true, he didn't care anymore and it was also true that he liked Claire, he really liked her.

"What?" was her only response. It was hit after hit with this boy.

"I care about you. I realized that I liked you the other night. No one, I mean no one's ever done somthing like that for me." he expressed. Claire was at a loss for words. Here she was starring this complete stranger in the eyes, captivated by every word that had just came out of his mouth. This boy who was the epitome of cool had just done a 180 and thrown away what he had going for him all in about 3 seconds.

"Are you seirous?" Claire asked, shocked that this was reality.

"Yeah, dead. Claire I want nothing more than to be with you. I want to save you like you saved me." he said not believing the words that just came out of his mouth. She sat there like a deer caught in the headlights, her brown eyes wide.

The leaves in the tree above rustled softly in the light wind. -The perfect day to change- Drake thought. He didn't seem to notice the crowd that had gathered to see who the new girl was sitting with Drake. He was that popular, everyone had to know who he was with, everyone including Jackie Robinson. She had staked Drake as her's two years ago, never once getting him. She made it her point in life to sabotage every relationship he ever had, each one backfiring on her. This time the girl he was with crossed the line. She could stand him dating other popular girls, but not Claire, definatly not Claire.

She wathced in angst as the two laughed and discreetly held each others hand. She nearly threw up. This had to stop, immediatly. She ran into the girls bathroom her friend and henchman, Sherri by her side.

"He's dating that slut Johnson." Jackie crooned to her BFF, Sherri.

"I don't see why not, she's perfect." Sherri said, she was dumb and easily swayed. Jackie'd just dump her off and get a new friend just as easily, but no one could quite compare to Sherri. Sherri was stupid, and stupidity was an asset to Jackie.

"I know shut up. I need to find out as much dirt as I can about Claire. Every goody two shoes has a secret, and dirty ones at that. Claire's has a brother, that's my weapon." Jackie assured herself. She knew that getting close to Charlie would get her even closer to Claire, and once she had Claire taken care of, Drake was all hers. She laughed to herself, she was good, too good.

"So Saturday 6:30 I'll pick you up okay?" Drake told Claire as he dropped her off at her house after school.

"Yep." Claire replied.

"Okay I'll see you then." Drake said as he kissed her on the cheek, even though he'd rather have gone for something a little more, he didn't want to rush this one. Something about Claire made him want to be all cute and romantic, it kind of scared him. He walked home taking in everything for the first time as he did so.

Josh and Mindy were making out on the couch when he walked in. He didn't mind, there was something else he had to do.

Drake walked down the hall. He stopped in front of the purple door that lead to Megans room. He knocked finding that it wasn't closed all the way. Megan was sitting on her bed a gigantic book across her lap. He placed his bags down next to her bed and sat down next to his little sister, who barely noticed his existance, except for the fact he was in such close proximity to her.

"Go away boob." Megan said callously to Drake.

"Hey." Drake relplied, he hadn't said anything to Megan.

"Don't you have to go to do something?" She questioned, annoyed that he was still next to her.

"Not yet. Megan remember when you were little and I used to sing to you?" Drake asked. When she was born he was excited at the idea of a little sister. He was 5 years old then. When Megan would cry he'd go into her room, stand right next to her crib and sing his favorite song to her. Their parents right outside the doorway elated at the thought of their two perfect kids.

"If I say yes will you go away?" She questioned. Megan didn't want to talk to Drake about their childhood, or anything else concerning family, which involved emotion. Megan learned at a young age to hide her emotion like Drake did. She was too young to remember a lot about her dad, but what she did remember hurt her too much to think about.

"Megan I just want to say I miss that. I miss when it was just you me and mom. I miss how you used to crawl into bed with me because you thought there were monsters in your closet." Drake said. Megan turned away, she didn't want him to see her this close to crying.

"Drake, I miss it too." she admited softly. She was crying now. "You're lucky that you got to know daddy." She'd said what she had been wanting to say for a long time. "I hate how you remember so much about him. All that I can remember is this one time, and I don't even know if it really happened or if it was just a dream." Megan cried. Drake felt guilty. He had known his father far longer then Megan had. She wasn't even in pre-school when he died. She was only four, how much could she remember.

"What was it?" Drake asked as he put an arm around his sister.

"We were at grandma's, not mom's mom, but dad's. It was snowing out. I don't know why it was snowing but it was. We were sledding. They had a red sled and I watched as you and dad kept going down the hill in it. You were both laughing and I wanted to go too but mom wouldn't let me. I cried so Mom took me inside. You and Dad came in later and you were both laughing. We then sat on a couch later and I told Dad that I wanted to go sledding with you guys. He felt bad and he let me have hot chocolate, which you didn't get because you got sick." Megan recalled the story, tears flowing.

Drake noticed that the book she'd been looking at was an old photo album. A picture of the four of them at the park was taken out.

Drake remembered that day vividly. Megan was three and he was 8. He smiled at the memory. His Dad was sick then, it was the last day they'd ever spent together as a family. That was back when Drake was still innocent. He remembered his Mom and Dad sitting there holding hands, he didn't know why they were crying but he was 8 and it didn't faze him much. Besides he was too busy pushing all the girls in mud. Even at that young age girls threw themselves at him. His Dad always used to say, "You're a charmer Drake, a real Charmer."

Drake wasn't afraid to cry now, if Megan could do it he could too. He let a few tears silently fall. He hugged Megan close to him, she didn't mind. It was times like this where she was glad to have Drake as a brother. She loved him, even if she didn't always show it. Both were glad to have one another, it wasn't like they could cry on Josh's shoulder, he would never understand.

"Megan, you know I love you right?" Drake asked as he gently kissed his sisters head.

"I know, I love you too Drake." Megan whispered as she held on tighter to her brother. She liked these moments with him, these moments were rare. One of the only reasons she did what she did to him, was because she felt like she was losing the only person she loved more than her mom. To her it was like losing the father she never knew. "Drake promise you won't ever leave me?" Megan pleaded.

"I won't." he replied letting go of her.

She was content now and so was he. To know that they were on the same page, emotionally with one another was comforting. The age difference between them was so large sometimes and Drake realized that. He knew that Megan felt like she was losing him sometimes, he felt that way with her too. Most of the time it wasn't like they were brother and sister, it was like they were enimies co-existing in the same house.

"You can leave now." Megan stated turning cold again.

Drake picked up his bags and left for his room. Josh and Mindy were still downstairs, he could be alone now, which was what he needed most.


	4. Dancing in the Rain

Chapter Four

* * *

Dancing in the Moonlight

* * *

_-Everything's changing and I don't understand any of it. Look at me, I'm keeping a journal for crying out loud. I know Josh has one, but that's irrelevent. I'm so fucked up lately I don't know what to do, it's like I'm happy, I'm so happy, that it makes me depressed. I have Claire, she's mine, I think I love her and that scares the shit out of me. I've never felt this way about any other girl before, I'm so scared that I'll lose her. I keep having these thought's about my Dad. They're the thoughts you don't want to think, the ones that find a way into your head and never get out again. I miss him, a lot. I miss him now more than I ever did before. I wonder if Mom misses him... I really do. Why is she so strong? She always was, same with Megan. Why am I so weak? Why can't I push foward? I'm sick of this chirade that I've made myself, this warped bubble. I'm like everyone's pet, I'm sick of it. The whole town is watching me, waiting for the day I screw up. Well I've fucking screwed up alright! I've screwed everything up, my life, my friends, my family. I'd rather just give it all up now, I don't need school, I've goe my music and Claire, and that's enough to keep me satisfied._

_Peace out - Drake.

* * *

_

Drake shoved the journal into his guitar case, no one would bother looking there. What had he gotten himself into. To think, that one stupid party could change his whole life forever. That one girl could make him forget what he used to be and make him feel the way he felt.

People were beginning to notice the change, especially Josh. Josh had grown more reclusive toward Drake. Barely talking to him. It was like Drake had become someone new, someone Josh didn't know. Drake was like a tempermental two year old. Josh couldn't being to say something to him without it comming out wrong. He hated that.

Tonight was homecomming, Drake had gone to the football game that afternoon. He'd taken Claire, it was his first time going to a football game. He never enjoyed it when people recognized him. Josh and Mindy had sat next to him and Claire. Drake didn't know that Mindy knew Claire, then again, he didn't know a lot about Mindy and he prefered it stayed that way. He only tolerated her because Josh loved her and Josh was his brother, he couldn't just diss his girlfriend.

Drake thumbed through the guitar world magazine on his bed. The dance was in a few hours, he'd taken a shower right after the game, Josh was in it now. Drake had started to notice a difference in Josh, maybe it was the fact that he was beginning to grow apart from Josh, the rocky friendship they'd built was falling apart. It was as though every brick Drake put up around him, another one fell from their friendship. The merely co-existed now. Sharing the same room, the same house, the same parents.

Josh waltzed into the room towel around his waist. Drake was surprized at how much weight he'd lost over the past year. Drake noticed his slimming frame when he started dating Mindy. Josh had felt good about himself when Mindy liked him, he started working out bit by bit, losing weight. Drake was happy for him.

"Aren't you going to get ready?" Josh asked as he pulled on a pair of boxers.

"I will, don't worry about it." Drake replied hopping down from the bed. Josh put on his black dress pants, the pink shirt that was to match Mindys dress. He put on the matching pink and white stripped tie and the jacket. He looked good, even though he was wearing pink.

"How do I look brotha?" Josh questioned as he popped his collar. Drake smiled, Josh had this way of doing that to him. Whatever Drake's mood, Josh could always fix it.

"You lookin good." Drake laughed. "Josh..." Drake began a serious tone replacing the laughter. Drake thought of his heart to heart with Megan a few weeks ago. He needed to make amends with Josh.

"What is it Drake?" Josh asked placing a hand on his brothers shoulder. He'd been waiting to hear this for a few weeks.

"Josh this isn't easy for me to say."

"It's about the party isn't it."

"Not really, no, it's about after the party." Drake said softly.

"Don't tell me you really had sex with Claire, I didn't believe it at first, but Drake..." Josh ranted.

"No, I wouldn't do that. Sex is way to scary. Josh I did stay at her house. Trevor got wasted. I needed a place to keep him. And anyway that's not what I wanted to say to you." Drake explained. A confused yet caring look was on Josh's face.

"Drake, I'm your brother, I understand." Josh whispered as he put an arm around his brothers shoulder.

"Josh, I think I love Claire." Drake blurted, not meaning for it to come out like that.

"Drake, that's not the end of the world. I love Mindy."

"It is, and Mindy's different. No I don't mean like that." Drake added as he saw the hurt and angry look on his brothers face. "You are capable of loving people, I'm not. I'm too scared to love someone, I'm too scared that I'll lose them. Josh I loved my Dad so increadably much, I lost the one person who meant the world to me. Josh, don't you understand? Claire means the world to me, I can't lose her." Drake cried. "I just can't." He sat down on the couch. He'd once again managed to let his emotions get the best of him. It always happened at the worst time.

"Drake, you won't lose her. Just look her in the eyes and tell her you love her. I promise, nothing bad will happen." Josh comforted his brother. Knowing that consolation was all he needed.

They sat there in silence, just thinking. Josh couldn't help but feel bad for his brother. He'd actually lost someone he'd cared about, he'd lost his father. Josh coldn't say he'd ever experienced someone he loved die, he just hadn't. He was always uncomfortable when someone talked about it. Drake had never mentioned his dad before and now that he had Josh felt guilty. Drake was obviously hurt by it all and here was Josh, his mom living in Nothern California with her new boyfriend. Josh couldn't possilby fathom how Drake felt.

"I'm going to get ready now." Drake said as he stood up from the couch and took off his shirt. Drake hated how almost perfect he was. He wished he had some sort of fatal flaw, he hated being attractive. Then again it wasn't the fact that he was attractive, it was the fact that he looked like his father. Ever since he was young his dad's friends and relatives would say,

"You know Jared, your son looks just like you."

"Yeah, he's just a chip off the old block." His dad would reply, pride beaming in his eyes.

Drake sprayed some AXE on himself. He never liked cologne much. He shrugged a black button down shirt on, he didn't feel like color tonight. He pulled on his dark jeans and buttoned them. He slipped his feet into his converse and brushed his hair. -_Damn, I still look good_.- he cursed in his mind.

"Do you know what Claire's wearing?" Josh asked his brother. He was trying to change the atmosphere of the room.

"I have no idea. Why do you know what Mindy's wearing?"

"Yeah, she's wearing pink. She said it was a halter or something." Josh explained. He couldn't wait to see Mindy. He knew that she'd be beautiful no matter what she wore. The girls would be there any minute. Mrs. Parker wanted to take pictures. She had silently prayed that Drake would find a girl like Claire. A girl who could take care of him, a nice girl. She knew the problems that Drake had, she just didn't know how to make it better. She tried. Boy had she tried.

She knew that the death of Jared had scarred both her children. Mostly Drake, Megan had been to young to know what had happened. Before the death of her husband Drake had been such a happy child. He'd been popular with everyone at such an early age. He'd played tee-ball as a child and made plenty of friend there. In school, come valentines day, Drake would come home with more than anyone else in his class. The social Drake didn't change much when his father died, Audrey knew that he was trying to hide all his emotion and go on living like nothing had happened. The real Drake had changed. He'd become more reclusive at home. He stopped eating healthy, hiding candy and other junk food under his bed. He'd stopped singing to Megan, and he'd started slacking off in school. She tried all she could to bring him out of it, but nothing worked. She figured he'd get better in time, but she knew he wasn't.

The doorbell rang at 6:30. Claire and Mindy had arrived together. Mindy wore a light pink spaghetti strap dress. It looked amazing on her. Claire was wearing a coral strapless two peice dress. The top had intricate bead work, orange and pink beads were sewn into the silk fabric. The bottom half of the dress had a faux slit in it, revealing a range of more colors varying from pink to light orange. She looked stunning her blonde hair straight, half pulled back with a vitange clip. It had orange and pink flowers on it.

"Drake,Josh your dates are here." Audrey yelled up the stairs. "You girls look so gorgeous." She added. They both blushed. Mindy liked Mrs. Parker, she had a hard time believing that Drake was her child. She was more like Josh. Claire liked her too, she reminded her of her own mother.

Drake and Josh entered the room together. Drake pulling of the laid back formal look well. Josh looked handsome in his formal suit. Josh had been nice and bought Mindy a corsage, he'd gone out of his way to get one for Claire. Mindy's was a tiger lilly, her favorite flower. Claires was a white rose.

Audrey took pictures and they left for the school. The gym was decorated with white christmas lights and balloons in the school colors. The music sucked, Drake figured it would. Claire wasn't having much fun either. Around 8:45 Drake went to look for Claire, she'd gone to the bathroom about 20 minutes ago, when she hadn't come back Drake was worried. He asked Jess, a girl from his biology class to see if Claire was in there. She returned with an I'm-sorry face. Drake grunted and walked outside, maybe she was there.

He walked around couples making out. It was disgusting how some people were so open. It was like they were having sex in front of everyone. Drake was modest with his PDA, and it wasn't like people really cared if he did it, he was Drake Parker after all.

He saw Claire sitting on a bench. It was obvious that she had been crying. He sat down next to her, not saying a word. She'd tell him on her own time.

"Drake...I don't know if I can do this." Claire sobbed.

"Do what?" Drake asked as he placed a comforting hand ontop of hers.

"Us, I don't think I can handle it. People are talking, spreading things. Thing's that aren't true." She cried a little harder.

"Don't listen to them." Drake told her as he brushed stray hairs out of her face. She was there to hold him that night, he was here to defend her now.

The chords to a slow song began, everyone started heading back indoors so they could snuggle into the arms of their date, or wallow in the corner if they didn't have one. The song was mellow, Drake knew it. It was his parents wedding song, his father used to sing it for his mom all the time. November Rain by Guns'N Roses.

The first verse played...

'When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained

But darlin' when I hold you

Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever

And we both know hearts can change

And it's hard to hold a candle

In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time

Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go

And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today

Walking away

If we could take the time to lay it on the line I could rest my head

Just knowin' that you were mine

All mine

So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain

Or I'll just end up walkin'  
In the cold November rain'

Drake pulled Claire close to him. The song was true when it said 'lovers always come and lovers always go, and no one's reallys ure who's lettin' go today.' Drake always felt that way about relationships. The fragility of them always made him nervous, even though he was the one who always ended things. He did that so he wouldn't get hurt.

'And when your fears subside

And shadows still remain,

ohhh yeahhh I know that you can love me

When there's no one left to blame

So never mind the darkness

We still can find a way

'Cause nothin' lasts forever

Even cold November rain'

Claire placed her head on his shoulder, there was no place she'd rather be than right there, Drakes arms around her. The two of them Dancing in the moonlight.


	5. I didn't mean to hurt her

Chapter Five

* * *

I didn't mean to hurt her.

* * *

_**"Charlie? Charlie what are you doing?" His door was open, his friends were over. I just want to know what he's doing, it smells funny. "Charlie?" I said as I entered his room, it was hazy. His friends stared at me, all of them 14 years old, high schoolers.**_

_**"Oh look Charlie, Claire's come to tell on you." Domonic the long blonde haired kid snorted.**_

_**"Shut up you fag. Claire, leave. This isn't something a 9 year old should be seeing." Charlie said softly. Concern in his eyes. I just felt so lonely, mommy and daddy weren't home, they never were. I missed them, I missed Charlie.**_

_**"Charlie, why can't I stay? Why won't you play with me?" I begged, tears welling up in my eyes. He was supposed to be watching me, why wasn't he? I felt so cold, I don't know why it was so cold.**_

_**"Hey, Charlie, let's have some fun, let's play with Claire like she wants you to." Seth, a dark haired, slender, kid spoke up, a malicous grin on his face. I only thought they were going to play with me.**_

_**"Guys no, she's my sister. She doesn't know any better, she's only nine." Charlie begged as his friends moved closer to me.**_

_**"Hey Claire, you wanna play house?" Seth asked, the stupid smile still on his face. "You can be the Mommy and I'll be the Daddy." He said calmly, while grabbing my arm and pulling me closer. He smelled bad, I didn't want to play this game.**_

_**"Guys, don't, this isn't funny." Charlie pleaded. He knew what his friends were going to do. They'd done it to so many others before. This crossed the line, it was his sister.**_

_**"NO, no, I don't want to do that. NO."

* * *

**_

"NO, stop, don't." Claire screamed as she woke up in a sweat. Panting she sat up. 3:34 the cock flashed. "It was only a dream." She told herself.

Sleep was impossible now, it always happened that way. Claire, even as a child couldn't go back to sleep after a nightmare. She'd just stay up for however long it took for the rest of the house to wake up. She never could explain it.

She threw the comfortor off her and tied her hair back into a pony tail. She walked down stairs, her brother was home. He'd been at some random girls house, he was always doing that. She didn't care, he could throw his life away.

Claire made a coffee and put it into a thermos, she grabbed a track jacket and slipped on a pair of filp flops. She planned to see the sunrise from the overlook in the backyard. It was the one advantage to living on the coast, nice sunrises.

She walked out, it was a cool San Diego morning. It wouldn't last long though, the sun would break through the coulds, heating up the day. She walked to the loveseat swing that overlooked the bluff. She was surprised to see someone there. Her first instinct was Charlie, but she knew it wasn't him.

"Drake?" she questioned softly. He looked back, not expecting Claire to have found him. "Drake, what are you doing here?" She whispered. She could tell, even in the darknessthat he'd been crying. "What's wrong?" She asked like a mother who asked how her kids day went at school. She sat down next to him, taking his hands in hers. He took her hands and just sat there. Words not able to express what he'd just been through.

"Drake?" She quetioned one more time. She knew he'd tell her eventually, but she didn't have time for eventually, something was wrong, and it was important, she could feel it.

"Claire.." Drake gullped, surpressing all forms of emotion the best he could. "Claire, I've fucked everything up this time. I should have stopped him Claire, I should have stopped him." Drake cried, his walls crumbling, he couldn't control himself, he'd become reckless with emotion. Fear, guilt, regret consumed his body. He broke down and cried, his whole body shaking. He'd never cried this hard in his life, not even when his father died.

Claire held him, tenderly running her fingers through his hair, rubbing his back, anything to stop him from crying. It was hard for her to witness it, she knew the kind of pain he was in.

He finally got hold of himself a while later. He pulled back from Claire's embrace, his face streaked with tears. She wiped them away with her thumbs. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, all the while looking in her eyes. How could he tell her what he'd done. He'd just done the single worst thing anyone could have done, even if it wasn't his fault to being with.

"Drake, what happened?" Claire asked, every word covered in concern.

He swallowed hard, admitting it took more guts then anything. "Claire, Mindy's hurt and it's all my fault." Drake blurted, the tears falling once again, only this time silently.

"What? How'd you? Drake? How'd it happen?" Claire asked, Drake hated Mindy, she knew that. But he'd never hurt her, not intentionally. Josh loved her and he loved Josh, as much as a step-brother could, he'd never hurt someone if it'd hurt Josh.

"Trevor got stoned, I didn't notice until we were halfway there. Claire, I didn't think anyone would get hurt, you've gotta believe me. The Camry didn't stand a chance against Trevors Durango." Drake stated, he was cold now, he'd crawled back into his shell, the shell he'd gotten to know so well 8 years ago. "Claire, this can't be happening." Drake sobbed. " I hurt Josh's girlfriend."

Claire sat there frozen. Her whole body paralyzed. He was right, this couldn't be happening. Admitedly this wasn't Drake's fault, but deep down she knew why he blamed himself.

"I could have stopped him, I could have driven."

"Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault." Claire said trying to comfort him. She pulled him close to her again. He accepted her support, he needed it. He needed a safe place to collapse, a safe place to cry and Claire was that.

Claire hummed a song that her mom used to sing to her. Drake knew the tune, it was the same one his Dad used to sing to him. He quickly drifted off to sleep in the one place that he knew he'd never feel pain, in Claire's arms.

* * *

Okay, sorry that was so short but I'm at a transitional period in this story and I've gotta think about where this is heading. I can assure you though that Chapter six is going to be a good, cataclysmic, long one. There's a lot of stuff that's going to happen, and a lot of your questions (which if you didn't have by now, I'm sure you do.) Will be answered. I expect chap. 6 to be up in a few days, possibly even tomorrow.

peace out


	6. You can't undo the past Part I

Chapter Six

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You can't undo the past, part I- Drakes p.o.v

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I stepped out of the car, or what was left of it. The sights and sounds seemed akward and distant. Everything seemed to go in slow motion, the sound of metal on metal still ringing in my ears. I couldn't tell who it was when we crashed, but when I could finally see again, I knew the instant I saw the tan camry, it was Josh and Mindy.

I turned to see if Trevor was fine, not a scratch, a little miffed, but un hurt. I was fine, once I got over the intial shock, then again, I never really got past it. I pushed the air bag off of me, I could smell the burning hair and gasoline. I stepped out of the car.

The Camry was totaled, Josh was fine, he was out of the car. It was then I saw him crying. He was scared, something wasn't right. I pushed past him, the right side of the car was crushed in, the part where Mindy was. There was blood spattered on the side window, the sight made me puke.

Reacting on instinct I grabbed my cell phone and called 911. The police and ambulence arriving what felt like hours later. Josh was still crying, I couldn't find the words to explain or comfort him. I didn't want to be there anymore, not at all. The sights, the sounds, the smell. It was all too overwhelming, the guilt consuming me.

That's when I decided to run, hell I've never run that fast in my life. Claire's street wasn't far from there a few blocks at the most.

I reached the white cape, so serene. It was about 11:30 by that time, and to think I'd have been home by now and everyone would have been alright, if only I'd driven.

Claire was asleep, I knew that. The thought of waking her up disturbed me, she didn't need this kind of shit ruining her night. So I decided to go sit on the swing overlooking the ocean. I could think there, or at least try to.

I never felt that cold, or that alone in my life. The feeling just near killed me. God I prayed that Mindy was allright, but by judging at the sight of the car, I knew nothing good could have come from this.

I looked up at the sky, I'd never seen so many goddamn stars in my life. Each one mocking my existance, mocking my life, laughing at me because they're so perfect, so goddamn perfect. I cried a little, the tears releving me for the most part. I could cry here without fear of being caught.

I must have sat there for a pretty long time because Claire found me. She's so perfect, god I love her, I really do. I just can't show it like I want to. I never want to tell her I really love her, just because I know that when I do, something will happen or I'll fuck up big time, maybe she'll just leave. But all I know is that when I tell her I love her she'll be gone before I can take it all back.

I love the way she holds me, the way she cares, the way she tastes, smells, feels. I love every thing about her, everything. It's so dorky and cliche to say it, but, she completes me.

I've never felt more comfort than I do now, sitting here beside her in the fucking hospital. God I hate hospitals, they never bring good news, ever.

She looks so sad, probably worse then I do. Josh hasn't said a word to me, he's to busy in the I.C.U holding Mindy's hand hoping she'll be alright. God I hope she's alright, Josh doesn't deserve to lose her, she's all he's ever known, and all he'll probably ever know. He needs her in his life, he's been so happy the past year with her. I'm happy for him, or well I was. He's a good kid, he's someone who deserves a girl who treats him right, I don't. That's why I don't deserve Claire, I just don't.

"Drake, you want something to drink?" She asked me as she held on tighter to my hand. I shook my head, I wasn't ready to have her leave me, even if it was for a few moments. She adjusted herself in her chair and leaned her head on my shoulder.

How can I possibly protect her when I'm this vulnerabul? I need her to protect me. I kissed the top of her head, just so she knew I still cared about her. She squeezed my hand in compliance.

"Drake, whatever happens, I'll always love you." Claire whispered as she held my hand a little tighter. She'd done it, she was the first to break. I wasn't. A million and one thoughts entered my head at that moment in time. _Can I tell her now?__She loves me too, it's safe now. I can't do it. I just can't Her timing sucks, but I love her too._

I just sat there, like an idiot, or like a rock, whatever you decide is fine. A rock is close to an idiot. Why is it when the one thing you can say is the hardest? And why is it the one thing thing you can't say is the one thing you have to say in order to be happy? That just pisses me off, you have no idea.

She sat there, it was obvious I had hurt her without my reply. Maybe she'd understand and I could explain it later. Maybe I could sing her a song or something.

Just then the Doctor walked out. What happened next is and was a blur to me. I'll never seem to get those words out of my head, ever.

"I'm sorry...we lost her."

"What the fuck!" I yelled, storming up from the chair. "What the fuck, that can't happen. It just can't happen." I cried as I ran down the hallway knocking over what ever was in my way. I didn't mean to make a scene, it just happened. The elevator was taking so long so I decided to run down the stairs. Stopping at the third floor, forgetting it was the maternity section. At least it was calm here and the prospect of life was a much more relaxiong notion than death was.

I stopped running, out of breath I walked up to the big glass window that shows the nursery. The innocence in that room overwhelmed me. The fact that these kids were going to grow up and become people, people with their own minds. The possibility that they could turn out like me or experience what I did pissed me off.

I knew Claire was there before she said anything. She never had to say anything. She had this pressence with her that I could always feel. It was like someone had raised the thermostat a few degrees and the room just got warmer. She wrapped her arms around me placing her head on my back. She was always that comforting, she knew that words would just make me angrier.

I placed my arm against the window and leaned my head against my arm. I looked down at the baby in front of me. A little boy, his name was Jared. My fathers name, the situation couldn't get anymore ironic. I hated to think that Jared was going to have to grow up, that he wasn't going to stay a baby forever, that from this point on, death loomed around every corner. That thought always scared me.

The nurse came and picked Jared up, handing him to an elated couple. I wanted to ask them how they could live with themselves, bringing a kid into the world, a world that wasn't friendly, a cold world, an uncaring world. His mom smiled as she fed him, he kicked. Another baby in the room started crying, no one paid attention to her, it was like she didn't matter. I felt bad for her, I knew how she felt. Crying your eyes out and no one pays attention. No one ever pays attention so the upset people, the hurt.

"I feel bad for the one crying." I stated, Claire moved, I had surprised her by talking.

"Me too Drake, me too." She whispered as she kissed me right behind my ear. She was always cute like that, she was never into the heavy making out scene. I could respect that, she changed me in ways I never thought a person could. In the past two months that I've known Claire, I've changed so much. Hell I even got a B in English, I got a B, a B.

"You want to talk?" Claire asked softly. She respected me, she always respected me. She never forced me to do anything like other girls did. I never felt pressured to do things for her. She never made me feel like I had to.

"Not really." I said, it was the truth. I'd rather just stand here with her right by me.

"Just know that when ever you want to I'm here." She reassured. God was she perfect, nothing she did could be wrong.

"I love you Claire." I slipped. I didn't regret it, nor would I ever. I loved the girl, a lot.

"I love you too Drake."

"You know what I was thinking Claire. I was thinking about how horrible it is to be born. I mean these babies have no idea what the world is like. I mean, they're going to have to go through stuff like I did. Their fathers will die, they'll go to parties and see friends get drunk, they'll see friends kill other people, they'll witness hurt. I can't imagine how someone could do that. How could parents bring a child into this world?" I ranted. Claires hug tightened.

"Drake, the world isn't all bad. I'm sure that things will happen, but for everything bad that happens to us, something good always comes from it. Always. I mean I've had some horrible things happen to me, but look I've got you, and you mean the world to me. You're the one good thing in my life. I don't ever want to lose you Drake Parker." She confessed. How does it happen that she feels the same way I do. Exactly the same way. She word for word explained all my emotions. How do you tell someone that? How do you tell someone that they think exactly like you do?

"Claire, I just want you to know that you're my everything. That you save me and that you've changed me. And I don't know why, but everytime I say something like that, the one thing that I love leaves. Promise you'll never leave?" I begged, tears forming in my eyes. God I've never cried this much in my life.

"Drake, If you don't leave me I won't leave you."

"Let's keep it that way." I said as I pulled her into a front hug. I brushed the hair out of her face and placed my forehead to hers. I liked the intimate aspect of our relationship, we didn't need to make out incessently. I gently kissed her, sustaining my need for the moment. She smiled, I love her smile, hell as I said before I love everything about this girl.

I grabbed her hand and we walked back towards the elevator. I didn't want to go back up to the ward. I didn't want to confront Josh at the moment. He didn't need me now, he needed to be alone.

We walked to the food court, everything starting to open up for the morning. I bought us an ice cream sundae, I wasn't that hungry, but Ice cream always made me feel better. We sat there, the early morning sun filtering through the windows. felt solace just sitting there with Claire with the sun shining. Maybe Claire was right, good things will come, I just have to tough out this bump.

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okay thank you so much for all your reviews! It makes me feel so special (okay that's a little dorky) but it does, I feel loved that so many of you like this story. On note: the next few chapters are going to be in first character P.O.V's you can tell because they'll all be titled the same only with a Part II or III ect. This is just to add flavor, I'm using my creative liscense and if you don't like it...meh, I don't care.


	7. You can't undo the past Part II

Chapter Seven

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You can't undo the past - Part II, Josh's P.O.V

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I only did what they told me to do in drivers ed, sideswipe the car. The durango was comming way to fast, in the wrong lane. I panicked and turned the wrong way. Maybe I should hve turned the other way, then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad.

I can still hear her screaming, and her moans after. The falshes of lights and the sickening crunch I heard are still echoing in my mind. It's like a bad dream and I just want to wake up.

Drake was in the car, the Durango. I can't believe he let Trevor drive stoned, then again I odn't think he knew until it was too late.

When he saw me he didn't even ask how I was. He just pushed by and saw the car. I watched him throw up when he saw the blood. I think he knew it was bad. He was the one who called 911, at least he tried to save her. I know he felt guilty, I know he never really wanted her to die.

The ambulence came, so did my parents. Trevor was arrested, Drake ran away before anyone came. He never liked confrontation much. I watched as they pulled Mindy out, she was covered in blood, hers. All I wanted to do was hold her. They let me ride in the ambulence on the way to the hospital. She looked so helpless, I wished it were me, not her.

She was rushed into I.C.U., she had a lot of thigns wrong and her chances were grim. I let the tears fall, I didn't care who saw me cry. They told me she wasn't going to hold on much longer, she was barely concious. They let me in to say goodbye.

"Mindy, can you hear me?" I cried softly. A few tears falling on the sheets.

"Josh..." she coughed, speaking an obvious challange. I grabbed her hand. Her grip was weak, but she still meant the world to me.

"Mindy, I love you. I love you so much." I whispered as I kissed her forehead.

She lost consciousness soon after. My step-mom came in and told me Drake was here and so was Claire. She said they both looked upset. I didn't want to talk to Drake, it was partially his fault she was here, so close to death.

I told her that I just wanted to spend this time with her. I just watned to hold her hand while she left. KNowing that someone had loved her that much. I'd have wanted her to do the same for me.

The machine went off. I knew that she was gone. The doctors rushed in and tried all they could, but I knew nothing would ever bring her back. Everything seemed to move in slow motion from that point on.

The head doctor turned to me and said, "I'm sorry." I cried a little harder.

The reality starting to dawn on me. He went outside to tell everyone, I heard Drake yelling. He took it worse than I did. I think it reminded him of losing his father.

I didn't want anyone to be with me now. I left he room, I dind't want to see them take her away. I didn't want to be there when they called her parents. I needed time to think. I got in the elevator and took it to the rooftop observatory. It was empty all except for the lone janitor. It could have been taken right our of the movies.

The one girl whom I'd ever liked who had liked me back was gone. I felt bad blaming Drake, but if he'd driven we'd all be home sleeping, happy. It hurt me too much to think that I'd never kiss her, hold her, smell her, or just love her again. I tried to push all thoughts of that out of my mind, but it didn't work.

Dawn was breaking, I could see the sunrise from here. I cried more when I saw it. The soft yellow light seeping in throught the windows, slowly bringing color and life back to everything. It crept across the floor until everything was bathed in a yellow haze.

"I thought I'd find you here." A voice stated softly.

"Megan?" I questioned.

"Yeah, it's me." She said as she sat down next to me. "Josh I know how you feel."

I'd forgotten she'd lost her dad too, 8 years ago.

"Josh, I know the last thing you want to do is talk, but don't talk to me about it. Talk to Drake, at least when your ready." She explained, so wise for a 10 year old girl.

"Why?" I questioned, Drake had been less than nice to me lately.

"Because underneath all that 'macho' popular facade, is a kid who's hurting just as much as you. He'll never show it, but he still misses our Dad. They had this increadable bond, he was the one person Drake ever loved, at least honestly. He's experienced way to much, maybe you two could help each other." Megan told me, obviously she cared about both of us.

"He has Claire." I stated coldly. He loved her, she was still here.

"I'm not sure she understands. Drake still crys when he thinks no ones watching."

I thought about that one. megan had a point. Drake had a side to him, a side that none of us knew. He was hurting, it'd grown apparent over the last two months. I wondered how I could miss something like that. He was too good at building defenses, like enemies at war. Only, his worst enemy was and is himself.

"Thank you Megan." I said as I pulled her into a hug. She accepted. She didn't even let one "Josh, you boob." slide. Drake was right, maybe she wasn't all evil.

"Just so you know Josh, I do love you and I love Drake too. I just have to be that annoying sister to show you just how much." she said, the look of warfare still on her face. She wouldn't stop just because one of us was hurting.

"I know." I laughed, it felt guilty to laugh in spite of the situation, but I enjoyed the feeling while it lasted.

I checked my watch, it was 6:30. Mindy's parents were probably here. I didn't want to deal with them. I wanted to stay right here, where the world was infinite.

Megan left a few minutes later. I felt bad for her, she had to be here. It was no place for her to be, nor was it a place for me to be, or Drake, or Claire, any of us for that matter.

I sat there letting the San Diego morning sun warm my face. Thinking that Mindy, wherever she was, was watching me watch the sun, and thinking about how much she loved me. And that was all it took for me to cry.

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okay so at the proposal of a reader I decided to up the raiting just for a few chapters. I feel, as she does, that I dropped the F-bomb one too many times for it to be "safe" under a T raiting. Anywho, I just did it to be safe. I feel the last chapter will probably be my worst one yet. I personally feel that if I put something like sex, or something else really heavy, I'll forewarn you. I'm typically good at that. Anwho, I'm So, so, so ,so elated that you guys like my story. ;) This is the second fan fic ever, that i've written, that's gotten this much reviews. It takes me awhile to write good ones.

Keep reading, I plan to keep going at the rate I am, about a Chapter A day.


	8. If you don't move on

Chapter Eight

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If you don't move on, the scars will never heal.

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_-I knew something was wrong with Trevor, he seemed more calm then usual, but I didn't think much about it. Being in jail seemed to soften him up, if only I'd known the truth. Mindy's only been gone a few days, her funeral is in a couple of hours. I don't want to go, I don't want to see her parents, I feel guilty enough as is. Josh and I haven't talked, I know how he feels. I can hear him crying at night, I know what it's like to feel that much pain. I used to be in the same position he was and just hearing it and seeing it makes the memories and feelings flood back. I hear that her funeral is an open casket, I'm scared for JOsh more so then I am for myself. My dad was cremated, his ashes are here somewhere, I don't like to think about that. I want to help Josh, but what he needs now is my sympathy and I can't console him when I'm the one who could have prevented it all._

_-Drake

* * *

_

The boy's were in their room, a despondent silence between them. It'd been ages since the two talked. They were growing apart, both of them could feel it. There was nothing that could make them laugh like they used to.

Drake sat on the couch wearing his suit. He looked decent in black pants, black coat, and a tie. He never looked that presentable in his life, he looked like the fifth member of the Beatles.

Josh walked into the room, grief was plastered over his face. He rarely ate or talked to anyone else in the entire house. Everyone was beginning to worry about him. Josh put on his pants and a blue oxford. He picked out a blue stripped tie to match. -Mindy wouldn't want me to wear all black.- He thought.

He looked over at his brother on the couch. Josh knew Drake had his own problems, but Josh thought his were more important. Heck his girlfriend had just died.

"Boy's come on let's go." Mrs. Parker yelled upstairs.

They exited the room not saying a word to one another, not even making eye contact.

They walked downstairs, all of them carrying an air of sadness around them, all for different reasons.

They all got into the subaru, the Camry would be in the shop for awhile. Drake vowed never to get into that damn car again. He could never bear to sit in the seat that Mindy had died in.

Megan was sandwhiced between Drake and Josh. The car ride was unbearably silent. Mrs. Parker turned on the radio to dampen some of the silence. Fields of Gold by Sting was playing. Ironic how that song was about death. Josh let a few tears run down his face.

Drake looked out the window at the rest of San Diego. Eveyone else was contained in their houses, each living their own lives, each feeling their own pain. He couldn't help but think that the yellow beach side town house contained it's own problems. The people who lived there had their own thoughts, their own lives.

The Subaru pulled into the parking lot. A lot of people from school were there, including Mrs. Haifer, various other teachers, and Claire. All wore smiles, you could tell they were trying to hide the pain.

Drake got out of the car and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. The wind started blowing and he wondered if it was a sign. The sky grew threatening with rain clouds, the day had been perfectly sunny and warm before. Now as the vista of death lay lingering before him, he took the change in weather as a sign.

He didn't want to see the people who stood there staring at him. They all knew he was in that car, they all knew he was responsible. He didn't want their questions or accusations, not now, not ever. He leaned against the car, his left foot resting on the tire. He pushed his hands deeper into his pockets his shoulders rising higher.

Claire walked over to him. She knew it was hard for him to be here, she only wanted to make him feel comfortable, that there was at least one person here who knew he wasn't guilty. And that one person was her.

She stood in front of him. Her dress blowing in the wind. She was wearing a strapless black dress with a white sash around the middle. A black shrug covered her arms. Her blond hair was down, he'd only seen it like that once before, Homecomming. The last time he'd had true fun.

Claire wrapped her arms around him he placed his on her back, not really caring how he held her, it was his job now, it was hers to hold him, she knew that.

He hair wrapped around him in the wind, it would have been a beautiful picture had the story behind it not been so painful. Claire was warm and Drake needed the warmth of another person to help fill his void.

Audrey looked out at both her sons. Josh was sitting on the porch steps next to Megan. She knew his pain was deep. He loved Mindy and she knew how hard it was too lose someone you loved. -He'll be fine, he's young, there's other fish in the sea.- she told herself. Even though she hadn't been with Josh in the past she knew somehow that he'd make it out of this alright. It was Drake she was more worried about.

She looked over at her son, lying in Claire's arms. Over the past two months that he'd known her, she'd seen the changes that Claire had made in him. She was good for Drake, and Audrey knew that. Her son was in good hands, he was with someone who understood him and could help him cope with anything. Better than she could herself. There are something mother's just can't do by themselves.

A large crowd had gathered outside the Church and it was starting to rain lightly, a few drops here and there. They all were starting to be ushered into the Church, group by group. Josh and his family were the first few to go in, along with Mindy's relatives.

"Drake, let's go." Mrs. Parker said as she walked over to her son, who was still being embraced by Claire.

"I love you." Claire whispered into his ear as she let go of him. "Hi Mrs. Parker." She stated as she shook Audrey's hand.

"Hi Claire." Audrey returned. "Let's go Drake, it's raining." She said as she grabbed her sons elbow and led him inside, just like she had to do so many times when he was younger. He followed her lead.

The wooden pews had never been more uncomfortable, at least not to Drake. He'd always hated church, the benches were uncomfortable, it was always hot, and the Minister was always too boring. He sat there flipping through the pages of the black bound bible, he had nothing better to do.

The casket was sitting below the alter, Josh didn't want to look, it'd only hurt him more, but the curiosity and anticipation was killing him. He knew that he would only blame himself if he didn't say goodbye one last time. He watched as Drake flipped through the bible. He wondered what his brother was thinking.

The Minister began the eulogy. Josh watched as Mrs. Crenshaw collapsed into tears on her husbands shoulder. A few other people dabbed their eyes. Josh was one of them. He looked up at Drake for a split second. He sat there cold, his head down.

"And we'll never forget how she influence and moved us. Mindy was such an incredable young girl who's life had to end all too suddenly. This is a tragic week for those of us who knew her..."

The eulogy droned on. Drake didn't want to hear it, he couldn't bear to stand it. It was as though the Minister was directing it towards him, blaming him for the loss of her. It was all getting to him now, the shame, the guilt. He knew he never should have gotten into that car with Trever, even if he did need the ride home, he could of walked, he could have driven, he could have taken the bus. But he didn't, he had to get into the car with Trevor. He had to be responsible for his bothers girlfriends death.

Drake got up and quickly walked out of the Church. He didn't want to cause a distraction, but distraction was his middle name. Everyone turned and stared as he left, no one saying anything. Claire got up and followed him.

It was raining rather hard now. Drake didn't care, it seemed to calm him a little. He walked out of the parking lot and took a left, he knew where he was going, he'd gone there so many times before. He broke into a sprint. He didn't think twice about how odd it would look to see someone in a nice suit running in the rain. The drops were whipping him in the face, burning his skin, his lips were chapped and he was cold, but it didn't stop him from running, what stopped him was her voice.

"Drake wait up. Drake stop." He could hear Claire yelling behind him. He turned around only to barely make out her figure running towards him in the rain. "Drake, what the hell was that for?" She questioned as she caught up with him. She was panting like hell, her dress was sticking to her because of the wetness, her hair was limp around her face.

"I don't want to talk about it." He stated coldy.

"Drake, I Know how you feel." Claire soothed reaching out a hand for him, he just pushed it away.

"How can you say that? How can you? Claire your family's fucking perfect. You're all alive and happy. You don't know what it's like to have someone die." Drake yelled, words just comming out. He didn't mean half of anything he said. THis always happend when he was angry.

"Drake, God I swear. I'm sick of people thinking I'm perfect. I'm not god damn it. Drake you were the one person I'd expect to understand that. I know your father died Drake. I'm not stupid. People talk, Josh talks." Claire said a little louder then she had before.

"Claire, you don't understand. You can't possilby, no one does." Drake cried, though you couldn't tell in the rain. He ran his hand through his hair. "I love my dad so much and seeing all this has brought back those memories. Claire I could have driven that car, I could have prevented all this. It's all my fault. Claire I fucked everything up." Drake sobbed. The weight of everything collapsing in around him, crushing him beneath his own emotions.

"Drake don't you dare blame yourself. You weren't the one driving. Trevor could have hit anyone." She didn't know what to say to make it better. She was crying now too.

"It was my fault Claire. If I had driven that car we'd all be here today. Right now, we'd all be happy. We'd all be in our god damn rooms, safe, warm, ALIVE. Claire we'd all be alive."

Claire watched as he stood there crying. The one person she wanted to make happy, the one person she couldn't make happy.

"Drake, I don't know what to say." Claire began.

"Neither do I. I don't think there's anything anyone can say."

"Then just let me hold you." She said as she put her arms around him. He pushed her away.

"Claire I don't think I can do this anymore." Drake said as looked away from her. It was the last thing he wanted to do. The last thing. He knew he'd hurt her, he'd hurt himself. But it was all for the better.

"What do you mean Drake?" Clarie asked confused. She prayed that she didn't know what was comming.

"Claire I mean us. I don't think we should be together. I need time to be by myself. Just time to think, time to let things heal. I don't want to do this, but it's something I'm going to have to do." He said softly all the while not making eye contact with her.

"Drake...I..."

"No, Claire don't say anything you'll make it worse. Claire, it's not that I don't love you, I do. You're the first person who's ever made me feel the way I do. I just can't do it right now. I just need to be alone. Being with you makes me feel too guilty. I don't want Josh to be upset."

"Drake I just want you to know that I understand and that I'm always here for you." Clarie said as she hugged him and gently kissed him on the cheek. She held his face in her hands. "Drake I love you and I care about you. Whenever you need to talk, or cry, or just need someone to hold you, you know where to find me." She added tears rolling down her face. "Have a nice rest of November Drake, and I hope you have a nice rest of the year." She said as she kissed him one last time on the lips and walked away.

Drake stood there in the cold November rain. He couldn't believe what had just happend, how his life could just take a turn like that. He shivered and walked on home. It was warmer there anyway.

No one was there, they were still at the service, they wouldn't be home for another hour or so.

Drake walked up to his room. He took of the wet clothes and slid into a pair of warm fleece pajama pants and a long sleeved tee-shirt. He looked at the picture on the computer desk. It was of him, Josh, Mindy, and Claire at homecomming. All smiling, all happy, they didn't know that in three months all this shit would happen.

Drake placed the picture face down on the desk. He didn't want the memory right now. He climbed up the ladder to his bed. He sat down on the mattress and cried. After he was finished and no more tears would come he pulled out the Journal he'd been keeping over the past few months and wrote in it.

_-I can't write for long considering he'll be home soon, but I'm starting to worry. It's not like I ever ment for anything to get this out of control. I never ment to hurt the people I did...and the people who haven't been hurt, but soon will. It's just that I can't take it anymore, I really can't. Things, well, life in general, hasn't gone my way lately and I'm begining to wonder is it worth it all. I've got to jet, he's home now and will be up questioning things, actually me, about all this soon._

_-Drake._

Drake quickly shoved the black journal into his guitar case and picked up the fender. He played a few chords, putting his I'm-concentrating-don't-bother-me face back on. His heart was pounding and he could tell this chirade wasn't going to hold long with Josh. Josh could always see through him, so much so it scared Drake to sleep in the same room as him.

"Brotha, you've got a lot of explaining to do." JOsh stormed as he threw his backpack onto his bed, proceeding to climb the ladder to Drake's.

Drake swallowed hard. He'd done some pretty low things in his lifetime, but this was the lowest of all, Drake knew that. He also knew that no ammount of words, explanations, or empty 'I'm sorry's' was going to make up all the thing's that he'd done.

"Josh...I can't begin to explain." Drake began.

"Well you better try to." Josh contered. Drake was cornered and this wasn't the best time for it. "Drake you can't just run out on a funeral like that. You should have showed your respect for her."

"Josh, I feel really bad about it, trust me. I can't begin to describe how bad a feel about all of this. I know I could have prevented her death, I know I could have prevented all of this. Josh I ran out because I couldn't stand to be there. It reminded me of when my dad died. I ran out on his funeral too. I just can't handle death, at all." Drake said softly he moved over to the chair in the corner. Josh's face softened a bit. He understood his brothers pain.

"Drake, you loved your dad didn't you?" Josh asked.

"Yeah, I loved him a lot."

"Drake, I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's just I loved Mindy too." Josh sighed. He was going to cry again.

"You can cry Josh, I won't make fun of you. Trust me, I've been doing a lot of that lately." Drake said when he noticed Josh was holding back tears.

"What making a lot of fun or crying?" Josh questioned. He needed a comic relief right now.

"Crying you boob." Drake smiled. The act felt guilty.

"Claire came back Drake." Josh stated quietly. He didn't want to make his brother mad.

"I broke up with her." Drake said dully. The subject to painful and too touchy to handle.

"I figured as much. Drake why'd you do it?" Josh asked. He'd seen the changes Claire had caused. He saw how much Drake loved her, how much he cared for her. He didn't understand how Drake could do it.

"Josh do we have to talk about this now?" Drake asked getting up from the chair.

"No, we don't. You can tell me when we feel like it, that's what brothers do." Josh said patting Drake's back.

"If you want an explanation to everything read this." Drake said walking over to his bed. He pulled the black journal out of his guitar bag and threw it at Josh.

"Drake this is the journal I gave you." Josh gaped as he looked at the black book in his hands.

"I know, I've been using it for the past few months. Read it, it'll explain a lot. In my own words." Drake explained as he left the room.

Josh sat down on his bed and began to read.


	9. I never knew

Chapter Nine

* * *

I had no Idea. -Josh's p.o.v.

* * *

_September 4_

_Okay so maybe I'll be dorky for a minute, but I need to get this out somehow and a journal is the only source I have at the moment. Last night I went to a college party at Scotties house. I was going to play but my band never showed up. I was about to leave because I kept getting this odd feeling, maybe my Josh sense was tingling. I put my guitar away when I found Trevor, he was pretty wasted so I went to take him home, he passed out, I needed someone to help me take him home. That's when I found Claire. Now Claire is a dorky, well not really dorky, but unpopular girl in school. She was sitting there at the top of the stairs crying. I have no idea but she was. I asked her to help me and she did. To make a long story short she took me to her house and Trevor and I stayed the night. She was so amazing and so nice. I think I like her, wait let me rephrase that, I really like her. She's pretty, smart, nice, ect. Everything that I don't look for in a girl. She makes me want to change and I can't explain it. I've got to go, I'm pretty tired._

_How do you end a journal entry?_

_-Drake_

I sat there on my bed, the first entry read. I knew that there was something to trust in that boy. This barely scratched the surface, I needed to know more, he wasn't elaborating enough yet. His feelings not exactly clear. I read on.

_September 9_

_I had a talk with Megan today, about Dad. She cried and I cried too. I miss him so much, apparently she does too. I feel bad because I got to know him more than she ever did. It's wrong. He shouldn't have died, he was such a nice person, he had everything going for him. I wish I had told him I loved him before he left. I remember how I used to sing to Megan when she was a baby. I'd take his guitar and play a few notes, not even chords. I'd just strum. He used to say to me. "There's Drake my little musician. You'll be famous someday boy." If only he could see me now._

_-Drake_

_September 13_

_So Claire sat with me at lunch a few days ago. I really like her, a lot. People have been talking about us, but they don't know the whole story. How could they, I haven't told them. HOw could they possilby know that I Drake Parker will probably never have sex with a girl because I can't handle that kind of commitment? How the idea of going that far with a girl scares the shit out of me? They could never know that. Anyway, people are talking and I feel bad. Only for Claire, I don't care what people say about me. She's just been so hurt so many times before and I feel responsible for it all. It makes me angry. I asked her out today. We're going to homecomming together. I'm happy for once. It's good._

_-Drake_

I never knew Drake felt that way about his dad. I rolled over. It was getting interesting now. I always had known there was much more to Drake Parker then met the eye. At least this took my mind of Mindy.

_September 25_

_-Everything's changing and I don't understand any of it. Look at me, I'm keeping a journal for crying out loud. I know Josh has one, but that's irrelevent. I'm so fucked up lately I don't know what to do, it's like I'm happy, I'm so happy, that it makes me depressed. I have Claire, she's mine, I think I love her and that scares the shit out of me. I've never felt this way about any other girl before, I'm so scared that I'll lose her. I keep having these thought's about my Dad. They're the thoughts you don't want to think, the ones that find a way into your head and never get out again. I miss him, a lot. I miss him now more than I ever did before. I wonder if Mom misses him... I really do. Why is she so strong? She always was, same with Megan. Why am I so weak? Why can't I push foward? I'm sick of this chirade that I've made myself, this warped bubble. I'm like everyone's pet, I'm sick of it. The whole town is watching me, waiting for the day I screw up. Well I've fucking screwed up alright! I've screwed everything up, my life, my friends, my family. I'd rather just give it all up now, I don't need school, I've got my music and Claire, and that's enough to keep me satisfied._

_Peace out - Drake._

_September 27_

_Homecomming was last night. Claire was upset, the girls were talking shit about her again. I hate it when she crys. Not because it makes her unattractive or something. It makes me feel guilty because these girls are making her life hell because of me. I hate it all, I really do. We danced to Mom and Dad's song, November Rain by Guns and Roses. It was ironic. I still think I love Claire and it still scares me. Well I don't have much more to write._

_-Drake_

He was right when he said he was everyone's pet. People worshiped Drake, too much. I couldn't help but feel kind of bad for him. Thinking about it he never brought much of it on himself. He probably learned to roll with it over time. Conforming himself into what others thought and told him he should be.

_October 17_

_-I'm feeling better lately. Claire and I've been dating for awhile now. There's no one else I'd rather be with. She's so perfect. Life has been so amazing this past month. Josh and Mindy are so happy with each other. I don't think I hate her as much as I do, but she still didn't have to frame me. Claire's changed me for the better. I've actually read the book we've been assigned. 'Cather In the Rye' and I actually like it. Holden, I think that's his name, I can really connect with him. Anyway, since I've been reading the book I've actually done well on tests. I got an A on the past one. Mrs. Haifer actually cried. It was nice. Maybe I can start making a name for myself, besides the one I've already made._

_-Drake_

_October 31_

_-Yeah, I know I don't write a lot in here but most of the time I feel it's irrelevent. I talked to Trevor today. He's out of juvie, even though he was only there for a week, he had to do community service. He appologized for everything, well, Trevor doesn't remember much to begin with, so what he remembered being drunk he appologized for. Well it's Halloween, I'm taking Megan trick-or-treating, she's going as a rock star. It's a sight to see. Then I'm going out with Claire to a party, no not another one of those, a Halloween party with my parents and Josh and Mindy. I'm going as Paul McCartney from the Beatles, Claire's going as a flapper, Josh as Dracula and Mindy as Dracula's bride. (how unoriginal I know) It should be fun._

_-Drake_

_November 5_

_-I knew something was wrong with Trevor, he seemed more calm then usual, but I didn't think much about it. Being in jail seemed to soften him up, if only I'd known the truth. Mindy's only been gone a few days, her funeral is in a couple of hours. I don't want to go, I don't want to see her parents, I feel guilty enough as is. Josh and I haven't talked, I know how he feels. I can hear him crying at night, I know what it's like to feel that much pain. I used to be in the same position he was and just hearing it and seeing it makes the memories and feelings flood back. I hear that her funeral is an open casket, I'm scared for JOsh more so then I am for myself. My dad was cremated, his ashes are here somewhere, I don't like to think about that. I want to help Josh, but what he needs now is my sympathy and I can't console him when I'm the one who could have prevented it all._

_-Drake_

He felt guilty for killing Mindy, that's all I needed to know. I felt bad now, I felt bad for blaming him. It really wasn't his fault. He broke up with Claire just for me. He'd done so much for me along the years. He was the one who helped me get back with Mindy in the first place, if it weren't for him we'd never have dated. I owe him a lot, it's honest I do. At least I can forgive him.

_November 5_

_-I can't write for long considering he'll be home soon, but I'm starting to worry. It's not like I ever ment for anything to get this out of control. I never ment to hurt the people I did...and the people who haven't been hurt, but soon will. It's just that I can't take it anymore, I really can't. Things, well, life in general, hasn't gone my way lately and I'm begining to wonder is it worth it all. I've got to jet, he's home now and will be up questioning things, actually me, about all this soon._

_-Drake._

There I was sitting there with his feelings about the past three months sitting in my hand. He hadn't written much but what he had explained everything. I felt so bad, I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it was all okay. To tell him to get back with the one girl he loved before it was too late.

I walked downstairs I held the journal in my hand. He was sitting on the couch in his pajamas eating a bowl of ice cream watching reruns of the newly wed game. He looked so depressed and I could tell he was.

"Drake here." I said as I placed the book down on his lap as I took the seat next to him.

"You read it?" He asked not looking from the TV.

"Yeah. Drake I had no idea." I began.

"No one does. I'm just the pet, no one cares about what I feel, it's all about how well I can entertain them." He stated as he shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. "You want some?" He asked indicating the ice cream. I wasn't in the mood to eat.

"No thanks." I said turning back to the tv.

"So, Josh. Are we okay now?" He asked as he looked up at me. He was being serious, I could tell.

"Yeah, Drake, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I'm the one who should be sorry."

I looked down at him, we were both sorry for what we'd done and now whatever it was that we'd been fighting about seemed irrelevent, we should have greived together.

"You know what I realized is ironic?" Drake asked as he swirled his ice cream into a soup.

"What?" I questioned, I was kind of curious.

"That Clarie and I danced to November Rain and here it is November, it's raining, and we broke up. I just think that's ironic." Drake said swirling the ice cream still.

"It is." I sighed. He was right about that one.

We sat there in silence. The Newly Wed game in the background. It was nice closure to the situation.

"Did you read the last page?" Drake asked suddenly.

"The last entry?" I asked not sure what he wanted.

"No, I mean the page after that one." he said flipping to it. "Here, you've read my private thoughts, you can read this." He joked a faint but noticable smile fell on his lips.

I looked at the paper, there was a song written on it.

"Go ahead, I told you you could read it." Drake urged. I read it.

Why is it that you always catch me

at the worst times?  
The times when i'm down, losing my ground

tyring to find my way home.

And why do you think that you can hold me

and make everything alright?

It's not okay that I told you goodbye.

And everything that I try to say always comes out wrong

and I'm always messing it up

or telling you lies

why can't I just tell you that

I love you that

I miss you

that you're my everything?

trust me when I don't say anything at all.

How is it you can always see through me?  
And how you always seem to know what'll make me smile?  
After awhile I learned It's because you know me better than I know myself

and everything that I try to say always comes out wrong

and I'm always messing it up

or telling you lies

why can't i just tell you,  
that I love you

that i miss you

that you're my everything?

trust me when I don't say anything at all.

And I'm stuck in this hole that I've dug myself in

and it's getting deeper and deeper

with every lie that I say

And I want you

and I need you

To save me and help me fly

And everything that I try to say always comes out wrong

and I'm always messing it up

or telling you lies

why can't I just tell you,  
that I love you

that I miss you

that you're my everything?

trust me when I don't say anything at all.

"You wrote this right?" I questioned. It was good, more emotional then Drake usually wrote. He was kind of like the Beach boys in that sense, writing songs about Cars and girls.

"Yeah, it's for Claire maybe, someday. When I can find the courage to ask her out again." He explained, the tone in his voice spoke the words he didn't have to.

"Drake, you know what I think."

"No Josh I don't know what you think."

"Drake, hear me out. I think you and Claire should get back together. I don't want you to miss out on the one thing you had going for you." I told him, it was bad enough that I'd lost Mindy. I didn't want him to lose what I had with her.

"Thanks but no thanks. I'll figure this out on my own." He said. "I'm tired, I think I might go to bed." he told me as he got up off the couch and put his bowl away in the kitchen. That was odd, it was only 5:30.

* * *

Alright so I managed to write two chapters this weekend. woot long weekends love them. Don't expect more untill maybe next Saturday night, then again don't expect much. Oh and another note I always tend to notice that stories/ fan fics always turn to crap when someone dies,I have no idea why that is. But anyway I'll trynot to make this crap butdon't be surprised if it happens.AsI always say,bad FanFiction happens to the bestof us.


	10. We all have our skeletons

Chapter Ten 

We all have our skeletons

_It's been three months now since Mindy died. I'm still not over it. Trevor's in jail because he's 18 and Josh is getting better. Josh now goes to therapy every Friday. I go every Thursday but it's a waste of time because I don't talk to the therapist, they never really listen. I mean come on they listen to about 20 other kids problems a day, they're probably counting down the hours left, or just waiting until they hit pay dirt when you cry. I don't need a therapist, I need Claire. I miss her so much. It damn near killed me this Christmas when I got a gift from her. My mom invited her to a Christmas party we had, she bought me a shirt and guitar strings. She's amazing sometimes. I got her a necklace, I liked it a lot. She did too, she wears it every day. I don't know if she knows that I know that. Anyway, Josh has a new crush on a new girl from Vermont. She's pretty and I think she likes Josh too, it'd be good for him to have another girlfriend. I'm thinking about asking Claire out again, we never really did break up, we just kind of separated for a little bit, and the fact that we're on talking terms still is a good thing. Anyway, I've got things to do today, it's Valentines day after all._

_-Drake_

Drake put down the journal and looked up at the clock 4:15 it flashed. He grunted, he never used to wake up this early, but ever since Mindy died he found himself waking up at odd hours of the night.

He got out of bed and walked towards the door, he knew what he was looking for. He walked into the guest room and opened the closet door. He searched through a few boxes labeled Christmas Decorations, Wrapping Paper, and Bows. He grabbed all the arts and crafts boxes he could find, even though arts and crafts wasn't his forte.

He carried the boxes into his room, -Great way to get over insomnia- Drake laughed to himself. He placed them down near the desk and got to work. He didn't know exactly what he was going to make, but he let the inspiration take over him.

He sat there at the desk, he'd just spent the better part of an hour gluing, cutting, then throwing away mass ammounts of paper. He grunted as he threw his last attempt at a homemade gift away. He placed his head in his hands and sighed. Nothing would be quite good enough for Claire. Then it hit him. He sat up and turned around in the chair.

He grabbed a tattered old shoebox from underneath his bed. It was covered in dust and looked like it had seen better times than this. He opened it slowly as to preserve the memories that were in it.

In the faint glow of the desk lamp Josh watched his brother look through the box. Josh had seen the box before but figured it was another one of Megan's booby traps and stayed away from it. Drake had no idea that Josh had been awake this whole time.

Drake pulled out a picture of him, his dad, Megan, and his mom. Drake was 6 and Megan was just a baby. They'd gone to Cape Cod for the summer. The four of them were sitting on a rock, a white lighthouse with a red roof was behind them. Drake could still feel the wind in his hair, the sand between his feet, and his dad trying to teach him to wakeboard in the cold Atlantic Ocean.

"Daddy, the waters too cold." Drake said shivering.

"It's good for you. Clears the senses." His Dad laughed.

"I'm going in." Drake mumbled as he shouldered the wakeboard and walked towards his mom.

Josh saw the picture in his brothers hands. He could barely make out what it was, but he knew it was special to Drake.

Drake looked at the picture and a small smile spread across his face. He placed the picture on the desk and moved on to the next item.

He pulled out an old jewlery box, inside it contained his very first guitar pick. It wasn't that sentimental, it just represented to him the fact that he'd made it so far as a musician, it was just the constant reminder of where he came from. He took it out and placed it next to the picture.

The last few items left in the box held the most value to Drake, these were the things that other people would just look past and forget about. They were the odd nick-nacks that mean nothing to anyone except the one who knows their story.

He pulled out a yellowed peice of paper. It'd been nine years since Drake last read it. He opened it carefully. The black ink on the page had fadded with time and smudges were visible from where tears had fallen onto the page.

Drake didn't have to read it to know what it said. He'd memorized it all, every exclimation point, every period, every letter. He knew it all.

_-To Drake,_

_It's inconcivable at how much I love you already and I've just gotten to know you today. I can't begin to find the combination of words to describe exactly how I feel, that's why I'm writing this letter._

_It's January 16, 1987 and it's a rainy day here in San Diego. You picked the most interesting day to meet us. I'm sitting here in the hospital room, your mother's sleeping, I don't blame her if I'd just pushed an eight pound kid out of me I'd want to sleep too. It just amazes me that you're real, that you're a part of her and you're a part of me, but I'm digressing from the point I want to make._

_You're either reading this because I've felt it's time you know all this, or I've died, but I hope it's the first one because I plan to give this to you when you get married._

_Drake I want you to know that I love you, you're my son, I could never love anyone more than I love you. I can't explain how it feels and someday when you have your own son, you'll know what I mean. I can't wait to show you all the things that I know, to teach you, to watch you get older, to watch you make the mistakes that I made so you can learn from that. I want to do all the cliche things that fathers do, I want to teach you to ride your bike, play baseball, read books, go fishing, play guitar._

_And today I realised when I held you for the first time and you looked up at me with those brown eyes (which you most definatly got from me), that life is the most amazing gift we'll ever have and it's something that we're entitled to enjoy. I realised that you have no idea what the problems and the bad in this world are and I'm not naive enough to think that you won't, because trust me you will. I just want you to understand that through all those bad times and problems, that I'm here for you, to comfort you, to help you, to hold you. I'd like to think that you'll stay innocent and carefree forever, but I know that you won't. I want you to know that being yourself is what matters most in this world. I want you to enjoy everything that makes you happy. The world is yours._

_If something ever happens to me while you're alive to see it and if I'm not here to help you with your problems, know that I'm always there. You're the reflection of me, I'll always be in your shadows, In your footsteps. I'm always behind you 100 percent of the way, even if it's dark and you can't see me. Drake, I just want you to know that I love you and that I've loved you since the moment you were a thought in the back of my mind. I loved you when you were a little more then a thought, a budding reality. I loved you when you became reality, though an unattainable, invisable, unimaginable, reality. And I love you now and I'll keep on loving you ten, twenty, fifty, two thousand, years down the road._

_Promise me you'll never stop smiling and looking at the world the way you looked at me today._

_-Love Dad._

Drake finished reading the letter, he was crying now. It'd been hard to read after the second paragraph, he was trembling so badly and tears had blurred his vision so much. He was glad he'd had it memorized.

Josh watched as his brother cried. He'd seen Drake cry before, but not like this. This was real crying, hurt crying. He watched as Drake carefully folded the letter back up and placed it on top of the picture.

The last item in the box was another picture, this one of his father when he was 17.

Drake palced everything back in the box except the letter, and the guitar pick. He had everything he need right here.  
He punched a hole into the guitar pick and threaded it onto a peice of hemp, necklace making wasn't his strong suit, but he was going to attempt it none the less.

He opened the instructions on the hemp package he found in a box labeled miscelaneous. He followed the instructions looping, pulling, and tying the string together. Instead of the big bead that was supposed to be put in the middle he put the pick.

He placed the necklace on the desk, it didn't look like much, but the story behind it was more important. He'd make sure to tell Claire that.

He placed it into a box and wrapped it with red paper he found in the Christmas box. He placed that to the side and turned off the light. He walked back into his bed and tried to go back to sleep.

The alarm clock went off at 6:00 but both boys were already wide awake. They got up in an understanding silence. They got dressed and headed downstairs. Josh was going to ask Marissa, the new girl, if she wanted to go to a movie tonight with Drake and his date. He hoped she'd say yes, she'd been hinting that she'd like a date for valentines day for the past few weeks.

"Hey Josh, I'm going to start off to school a little early today." Drake said as he pulled on his backpack and picked up his guitar.

"Okay, I'll see you there." Josh relplied as he grabbed a bottle of orange juice out of the refridgerator.

"Good luck with Marissa." Drake told his brother.

"Thanks." Josh said.

Drake walked out the door to the one destination he'd know he'd find solitude. Claire's house.

His timing was almost perfect. He walked up to her driveway as she walked out the front door. He walked up the path to her house, she was frozen in the doorway. It'd been a long time since the two had been alone with one another.

"Drake..." Claire begain but when she caught the look on his face she stopped talking.

He threw his backpack down on the pathway and pulled out his guitar. And began to sing her the song he'd written.

-Why is it that you always catch me at the worst times?  
The times when i'm down, losing my ground tyring to find my way home.

And why do you think that you can hold me and make everything alright?  
It's not okay that I told you goodbye.

And everything that I try to say always comes out wrong and I'm always messing it up or telling you lies why can't I just tell you that I love you that I miss you that you're my everything?

trust me when I don't say anything at all.

How is it you can always see through me?  
And how you always seem to know what'll make me smile?  
After awhile I learned It's because you know me better than I know myself

and everything that I try to say always comes out wrong and I'm always messing it up or telling you lies why can't i just tell you,  
that I love you that i miss you that you're my everything?

trust me when I don't say anything at all.

And I'm stuck in this hole that I've dug myself in and it's getting deeper and deeper with every lie that I say And I want you and I need you To save me and help me fly

And everythign that I try to say always comes out wrong and I'm always messing it up or telling you lies why can't I just tell you,  
that I love you that I miss you that you're my everything?

trust me when I don't say anything at all.-

Drake didn't dare look up at her when he finished the song. He knew he didn't have to, he knew she was already crying. He placed the guitar back in his case and zipped it up.

She hugged him taking back all the memories of his body.

"Thank you." She whispered into his ear. He smiled and pulled her close. This was the best day of his life.

"Does that mean we're back together?" Drake asked as he pushed her in front of him.

"If you want to then I want to be." She smiled. He kissed her. Drake had missed kissing her a lot. It was one of the simpilest pleasures.

"I missed that a lot." Drake laughed as he pulled away from the kiss. She laughed too.

"So did I."

"You ready to go to school now?" Drake asked as he grabbed her hand. They'd walk today, who cares if they were late.

"Ready if you are." Claire answered. The two walked off, both happy to be back with the one they loved again, but it wasn't the end to the problem, it was only the beginning. They still had secrets of their own, secrets that they hadn't yet told the other, or anyone else. But all that was unessecary. It wasn't the time or place for baggage to be brought into the relationship. It was valentines day, and the two deserved to happy at least for a fleeting moment.


	11. Maybe we'll be two crazy kids

Chapter Eleven 

Maybe we'll be two crazy kids.

"So Josh you ask Marissa out yet?" Drake asked his brother after 8th period History.

"Yeah, so how'd it go with you and Claire?" Josh asked, he didn't need to, the hallways were full of talk about Drake and Claire getting back together. He just wanted to hear it from his brother.

"Good, haven't you heard already? It's all everyone's been talking about." Drake stated putting his arm around his brothers shoulder.

Josh was glad that his brother was back to normal. He'd started to hang out with some of his old friends again. Scottie had appologized for everything that had happened and Trevor was now in jail. Josh himself was feeling better, he had a date for valentines day now. He just ignored the fact that it made him guilty.

"So who's driving?" Josh questioned. He liked to know the details, he also didn't like driving much anymore. The day the camry came back his Mom picked him up from work in it, he nearly cried sitting in the seat that Mindy had died in. His therapy classes were helping him cope with her death a little better.

"I'll drive, don't worry, we're taking the Subaru. I know how you feel about the camry." Drake whispered to his brother. Claire walked up to Drake and he kissed her on the cheek.

"So what time tonight?" She asked as she grabbed hold of his hands.

"Seven sound okay?"

"Seven sounds fine." Claire said. "I've gotta get home, I'm not feeling so well, but trust me I think I'm just tired." Claire mentioned as she was leaving. Josh had already left and was waiting for Drake at the car.

"If you still aren't feeling better I'll stop by at seven with a thermos of chicken noodle soup and we'll have our own special valentines day. I'll even find some with heart shaped noodles." Drake joked as he hugged Claire.

"You are too sweet." She laughed as she hugged him back.

"But I'm serious when I say that. I wouldn't want you to go out if you felt bad, so feel better." Drake said as he kissed the top of her head.

"Okay, well I'm going to head home now. See you." Claire replied as she let go of the embrace and walked out. Drake sighed contently and walked out to Josh.

Claire got into her white jeep and waved as she passed Drake and Josh in the subaru. She turned up the raido, Tiny Dancer by Elton John was on. She loved that song, it was funny though when she was younger she thought it said, _Hold me closer Tony Danza_ instead of _Hold me closer tiny dancer_ and when she found out Elton John was gay it made more sense to her.

She pulled into the driveway and grabbed her bag out of the jeep, she shouldered it and walked in. Once again no one was home. Charlie was back in College and her parents were both away on business. She had always been alone ever since she was a little girl. The last time someone had actually been her 24/7 was this Christmas when Charlie and his friends Marcus and Sean stayed for the week.

Claire shuddered, she didn't like Marcus and Sean, they were like the other kids that Charlie used to hang out with when she was nine. Seth and Dominic. Claire threw her bag down near the mail cubby and walked upstairs to her section of the house. She stepped into the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. She feared what she knew she had to do, she didn't want to do it, she didn't want to know the answer. The little pink box on the counter sat there, almost as though it had taken on demonic like abilitys and could see her every move.

Who was she kidding, Claire knew that it wasn't normal to be three months late. She knew what the stick would say, she knew that there'd be that stupid pink line, hell it'd probably be red by now.

Claire reached over and pulled the box off of the counter, she opened it and read the instructions- 1. Hold stick between thumb and forefinger. 2. Pee on stick. 3. Wait 15 minutes. 4. Pink line pregnancy, blue line not pregnant.

Claire placed the stick on the counter, she was now going to endure the longest 15 minutes of her life. She went to her room and logged on to the internet. She typed in The page loaded and a chubby brown eyed baby girl sat there in a pink gingham dress with a matching pink bow and little pink booties. She took one look at the baby girl and cried. She was too young to be a mother, she was only 17, just 17. She had her whole life before her she couldn't be a mother not now.

She minimized the page and walked back to the bathroom. If Claire had ever been an optimist in her lifetime, she couldn't have told you she was right then. She lifted the stick off the counter and cried harder. She placed it back down on the counter. What was supposed to be a little pink line was monsterous red one. She placed the test back down on the counter and slid back to the tub. She sat on the edge, ran her hands through her hair, placed her head in her hands and cried.

"Can I come in?" A voice in the doorway asked softly.

Claire looked up, her mascara running down her face. She wiped her eyes and stood up. She was shaking pretty badly for two reasons, one Drake had just scared the crap out of her. Second she just found out that she was pregnant.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Drake asked as he pulled Claire into a hug. He immediatly noted the box on the counter and the used test next to it. "Claire, you've got to be kidding me." He exhaled.

"I wish I were." She sobbed onto his shoulder. He was the one thing she needed right now.

"I came by to make sure you were feeling alright. I brought you some soup and Josh made his famous brownies."

"Thanks." She said as she hugged him harder.

"You want to tell me about it? We were apart for three months. I'm not going to be mad at you for dating other guys." Drake said softly. He didn't know the whole story.

"It's not that, it's far more complicated." Claire started. She hadn't inticipated Drake knowing this early into it.

"Here let's go sit down." Drake said as he lead Claire to her bed. He sat down on the bed while she lay down with her head in his lap. _The benifits of a king sized bed_ she thought.

"I kind of have to go back in time a bit so you know the whole story." Claire explained as Drake ran his fingers through her hair.

"That's okay, we've got time and I'm willing to listen." He whispered softly.

"I was about nine when they first started doing it. Charlie's friends. Their names were Dominic and Seth, they were all about 15 except for Seth he was 16. Charlie was home alone with me, it's always been that way, our parents are constantly gone. Anyway, we were home alone and he had his friends over. They were smoking pot in his room, though I didn't know that at the time. But anyway. I walked in because I wanted someone to play with me, Charlie actually. I felt like I was loosing him as a brother, that we were drifting apart, you know with the age difference and all. Anyway, one thing led to another and Dominic and Seth raped me." Claire told Drake quietly.

"So they raped you when you were nine?" Drake asked shocked.

"Yeah, and they continued until we moved this year. I got so used to it that it became almost like ritual. But Seth always used protection, always. And I had taken the pill. It was when I moved here that I stopped taking the pill because they weren't here to rape me anymore." Claire explained.

"So, how'd you get pregnant?" Drake asked.

"Well that party that you met me at was the night it all started again. Seth had come back with a few friends from college, Marcus and Sean. Well they got me to go to the party, not on my own free will, but they got me to go. At the party they took me into an upstairs bathroom and took their turns raping me, Charlie just looked on like he used to, just watching his friends rape his little sister, to much of a coward to do anything. Anyway, they did it again this Christmas and that's when I got pregnant, I don't know who it was who got me pregnant, but I know one of them did." Claire could feel the tears welling up again but couldn't cry.

"That's not right at all. Claire you could have told someone." Drake said, he was pissed that someone could do that to someone else.

"It's more complicated then that, as I said it was like ritual, I thought nothing of it."

"Claire that's bull and you know it. You were crying that night when I found you. You obviously didn't want to do it." Drake said a little louder then he had intended.

"You're right. Yeah I know I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to be there. But what the fuck was I supposed to do? Who the fuck do I tell? It's easy for someone to say 'Just go to the police' but it's another thing to be in that situation. I know because I used to think that way." Claire shouted. She was crying now. "Drake I don't know if I want this baby or if I don't. I'm 17 I know I'm too young but I also know if I have this child and give it up for adoption then I'll regret it later." She cried.

"I'll help you. We can take care of it together. I promise. Claire I love you and the past three months that I haven't been with you have been hell. I've wanted you here to hold my hand, to comfort me. But now all I want to do is hold your hand and comfort you. Claire you have no idea how much I love you and I mean it when I say it. Because I know a lot of people who can tell you that I'm just saying it because, but I'm not. I have the hardest time loving people because I'm scared I'll lose them. Claire I've lost you once and I'm not going to lose you again." Drake told her as he wipped the tears from her eyes. "I love you." He whispered as he leaned in closer to her, tears in his eyes.

"I love you too." she replied as he placed a hand on her cheek. He kissed her.

"I'm here for you. We might end up as two crazy kids trying to raise a baby, but at least we'll be crazy together." He stated as he placed his forehead on hers. She laughed. "Let's just be kids tonight, forget about the baby for an hour or so and go watch a movie." he said enthusiatically, the mischevious Drake grin on his face. "I promise this will be the best Valentines day you'll ever have."

"Have I ever told you that you're amazing?" Claire grinned. It was honestly amazing how he could make her smile all the time.

"No, but I don't assume this will be the last time." He joked. She punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"Let's go pick up Josh and Mindy and watch a movie. Later I'll treat us to a little surprise." Drake grinned. He felt like dancing with the devil tonight. He realized that even through all bad there was good, you just had to find it. Maybe he was right about being a crazy kid, but anythings only crazy if it doesn't feel right, and this felt right to him.

* * *

And yes wow how many of you didn't see that one comming? Mwahhahaha...I'm a genius at plot twist and I use them to my advantage, so expect more, expect a lot of things. Because if this is one fan fic that will make you angry...this is the one. ;) 


	12. Don't do anything stupid

Chapter 12

Don't do anything stupid...

"Be strong okay?" Drake whispered to Claire on the front porch of her house. "This might be the only chance you get to tell them."

"I'll try Drake, but I don't know if I can. What happens if they don't understand. What if they blame you. Or worse, they make me do something about it..." Claire panicked, she didn't like confrontation much.

"Don't worry about it baby. They can't make you do that kind of stuff. Can they?" He was worried about her. He was worried about the baby too. He couldn't help himself these days, spending hours at the mall looking at the clothes. Little Who tee's and Beatles tee's, even little pink converse. It was all surreal to him. Claire was three months pregnant and she couldn't hide it for much longer. The past 2 weeks were like a haze to him. He hadn't told anyone yet, but tonight they both promised to do it, or at least try. It was better they explain it before questions were asked and their parents jumped to conclusions.

"No I don't think they can. But you have to do it too." She said as she grabbed his hand.

"I will, I swear. I'll talk to you tonight. I love you." He said as he gently kissed her and headed off her porch. He unlocked the camry and drove home.

Drake walked through the front door, he didn't want to make much distraction. Megan was watching tv on the couch. She had mellowed out these days, he pranks were dwindling. Maybe it was because Drake and Josh were spending more time with her, maybe it was because she'd just grown up.

"Hey Megan, Josh upstairs?" Drake asked as he walked past the living room.

"Yeah." She replied.

Drake walked upstairs. Josh was inside doing homework. He'd gotten alot better these days. He was now dating Marissa, a brunette from Vermont. She was pretty, Drake probably would have dated her if he didn't have Claire.

"Hey Josh can I tell you something?" Drake asked as he threw down his bag.

"Sure, Drake you can tell me anything." Josh replied turning around in the computer chair. Drake sat down on the couch. " I can already tell something's wrong. Heck I knew something was up when I found the minature converse under your bed."

"What were you doing under my bed." Drake questioned.

"Nothing, looking for a picture. But tell me what you're goint to tell me."

"It's not easy to say but, Claire's kind of, well, she's...Josh this is really hard for me. I can't imagine what it's like for her." Drake rambled.

"Spit it out already."

"She's kind of well, just a little pregnant." Drake confessed.

"It's not your fault is it?" Josh questioned. He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but Drake and Claire had been together for a pretty long time.

"No, and that's the problem. She was kind of raped by her brothers friends."

"You should kind of do something about that. LIke call the cops." Josh stated. He was concerned now. It was that stupid maternal instinct of his. To always be the humanitiarian, always do the right thing.

"We, I mean she can't. It's too complicated." Drake sighed. "I just wish she didn't have to go through this. But I guess if she has to I'll be there holding her hand all the way."

"Do you have any idea how much responsibility a baby is?" Josh asked. Heck Drake couldn't even keep responsibility over himself, let alone a baby.

"Yeah, I do. Josh I've been changing a lot lately. I don't know if you've noticed but I have a C-B average. And if you ask me that's pretty damn impressive." Drake said gloating just a little bit.

"Yeah it is Drake, but a baby is much more work than school. Hell you're raising a person. Their whole life depends on how well you raise them." Josh informed his brother. He didn't mean to sound so harsh.

"Josh I realise that and Claire realises that too. We both know what's in store and we're both willing to do it together. I don't know if you've understood it yet, but, I love her. I love her like I've never loved anything before."

Mrs. Parker stood outside the boys room. She'd heard everything they'd said. She knew Drake would tell her in due time. He always did. He wasn't one to hide his problems from her easily. She always seemed to know. It hurt her to hear that Claire had been raped, it hurt her to hear that she was going to be a mother at 17. She herself knew what it was like. She'd gotten pregnant with Drake at an early age. She was only 19. She had been one of Jared Parkers groupies. She hung out at every concert he ever threw. It was the 80's and who was she kidding, she wanted to be part of the scene. She was glad to have to hottest guy in school. In many respects she and Drake had a bit in common. It was time for an intervention. She knocked on the door. Drake and Josh looked over.

"Hey boys, I just have your laundry. Drake come with me, we're going on an adventure of sorts." She said as she placed Josh's clothes basket down on the floor and pulled a duffel full of Drakes things from behind her. "I've already packed your bags."

Drake looked at Josh who just shrugged. He grabbed his guitar and followed his mom into the car. She got in and started the ignition.

"Aren't you going to ask me what this is all about?" She asked her son.

"I figured you'd tell me soon enough. I don't know if I should push this one or not." He relpied. It was getting dark and he didn't know what the hell they were doing.

"We're going on a trip, up to Napa. Where I grew up. You're going to learn a couple of things, things you think you already know."

"Is this one of those bonding things?" Drake asked disgusted. If it was this was a cheap way of doing it.

"Not exactly. First off were going to tell each other everything. No secrets and we're not going to hold anything against each other until we've heard the full story. I'll go first. Your Father and I never really got married. We eloped and had a marriage at a sort of Bed and Breakfast Wedding Chapel. I regret never getting formally married but I don't regret doing what we did." His mother explaned. He knew they got married young, but he never knew the eloped. "It's your turn now."

Drake gulped he knew what he had to say. He'd known she'd overheard the conversation. He knew she just wanted to hear it from him. That was the funny thing about him and his mother, they never needed to tell the other their secrets, they both just knew.

"I know you already know, that's why you're doing this."

"I got a call from Claire's parents. They weren't happy. They think it's yours."

"I swear it isn't mine. You can do one of those paternaty tests." Drake explained. He didn't want it to come to a game of lets blame the other one.

"I heard you talking to Josh. Drake there are only a few things you will ever be serious about, this is one of them. I know that. So exactly what happened."

"Well...I guess it all started when she was 9. Her brother was like 15 or something and he and his friends were all like smoking pot and whatever. She comes in and the older guy who was like 16 decided to rape her. They always used condoms and stuff, and when she was older like 15 or 16 she went on the pill. She moved her and it all stopped. But I went to a party, yes I know it was bad, that was the night I was late. Well Trevor got drunk and I needed someone to help me and I saw her crying. I knew her from school and she took us to her house to stay. She was so nice and it made me realise what jerk my friends had been to her. Anyway, at that party Charlie's friends came back and raped her again and well, she got pregnant." Drake recounted.

"You went to a party."

"Hey I thought we weren't going to hold things against each other."

"Right, right. But still..." Audrey went on.

"I know, I swear, I only went there to play for them."

"I believe you. You're like your father that way. We met at a party you know. I was a rebellious teenager myself."

"Then you should see where I'm comming from." Drake chimmed.

"I do, I'm just your mother and I care about you." She replied.

The two sat in silence for the next hour or so. Drake watched as the signs passed by. He coulndn't help but close his eyes. The road was mesmorizing like that.

* * *

Claire walked into her front door and closed it softly behind her. Her parents were home for a week or so. It was probably the only time she'd have to tell them. Plus Charlie was home. She'd tell him first. After all it was his fault anyway.

She walked down the hallway towards his room. The door was open and the raido was on. Charlies friend Jeff was over. Claire knew that they were more than friends. She'd come home early during Christmas break only to hear and slightly see what she didn't want to. She knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Charlie asked, a slight tone of annoyance in his voice.

"Claire. I need to tell you something." she said softly.

"Fine come in." he grunted as she opened the door and walked in. She sat on the end of his bed.

"Hey Jeff." She stated. "Charlie, this is kind of uh, personal I don't know if Jeff should be here."

"Jeff go to the bathroom or something, I'll tell you when she's gone." Jeff got up and left. "What is it Claire. You hurt or something? By the way I'm sorry about what happened. I tried to stop them."

"Charlie you never tried to stop them. And this is what it's about."

"You're not, are you?" He asked a look of terror on his face.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I am. Charlie I blame you. And I'm going to tell mom and dad and you're going to have to back me up or else I'll tell them about you and Jeff." Claire stated getting defensive.

"Don't worry, I totally will. Claire, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. I tried I honestly did. I never wanted them to do it. They just had a mind of their own." Charlie tried to appologize but his words met empty ears.

"You didn't have to be their friend Charlie. You could have stopped it all a long time ago." Claire whispered harsly as she got up and walked out of the room. She paused in the doorway. "5 minutes." She turned and walked out. She knew she had to confront her parents now, she had no other time.

She walked downstairs into their living room. White leather couches, a fireplace, big windows, grand piano, she was rich and she hated every aspect of it. What she would give to be normal. Her father was sitting in a recliner reading the newspaper. He still dressed like he did back in Mass. Work pants, tie, oxford, and his plaid socks. Her mother was reading one of those Nora Roberts books. Ones about wifes who are cheating on their husbands in some sort of twisted love affair. Claire walked in and sat down next to her mom.

"Claire, sweetie, it's so nice to see you." Her mom said kindly. If anyone were to understand it'd be her mother.

"Mom, Dad, I have something I need to tell you. But before I do promise you'll understand." Claire said softly. Her father put down the newspaper.

"Claire darling you can tell us anything. We'll understand." Her father said. Claire inhaled deeply. Here she was about to tell her parents that her life was about to change forever, that their lives were about to change forever.

"Well, this isn't exaclty easy to tell you but, I'm kind of pregnant. Before you say anything it was Charlies friends. They raped me." She exhausted. She knew her parents wouldn't believe her. She knew it was a long shot.

"Claire, are you lying to us about Charlies friends. Are you sure it wasn't that Drake Parker." Her mother said sternly.

"I'm sure, ask Charlie he saw it all. He watched as they raped me continuously for 8 years. Mom, Dad I wouldn't lie about something like that. Do one of those paternaty tests. You'll see that Drake didn't do it." Claire was crying now. She never ment for Drake to get in trouble.

"I'm calling his parents. They need to know about his." Her mother said to her father.

"I'll come with you Abbie." Her father said as he put down the paper. "Claire you're grounded and I don't want you seeing Drake anymore." Her father added as he walked upstairs.

Abigale and Daniel Johnson walked into their bedroom. Abbie sat down on the bed while her husband called the Parker-Nichols household.

"Hello?" a little girl on the other line answered.

"Hi, Is Audrey Parker there?" Dan asked.

"Hold on." the girl said and the sound of her footsteps could be heard. "Mommy the phone's for you."

"Hello?" Audrey said as she picked up the reciever.

"Hi, this is Daniel Johnson. Claires father. Theres something we need to talk about." He said as he paced around the bedroom. His wife sat there silent. It was apparent that she was shocked.

"And this something is?" Audrey asked. If it involved her son she needed to know.

"Well your son has gotten our daughter pregnant and we want you to pay for the aborton. Considering it was his hormones that drove it all." Dan said blantently.

"Excuse me? If she is pregnant and my son is the father I'm sure it's not just his fault. She must have had some say in it. And I don't think Drake would do something like that." Audrey defended her son.

"Boys are boys and their hormones are always raging. Who's to say he didn't take advantage of her."

"Drake may have been a womanizer but I'm pretty damn sure he wouldn't have sex with a girl against her own will. He wouldn't do that to Claire especially. He loves her. You should see the way he treats her." Audrey retorted. She didn't need anyone pointing the finger at her son.

"Well then we'll have to take this to court." Dan said as he hung up the phone.

"Dan baby what if Drake didn't do it. What if Claire was telling the truth about Charlies friends. We've never been here, we'd have never noticed it anyway." Abbie stated softly. Tears forming in her eyes. "Dan, we can't just make her have an abortion."

"Yes we can. I am not taking care of her child." He stormed out of the door and down the hall in the direction of Claire's room.

* * *

"Ass hole." Audrey swore as she threw the phone on the table. "WALTER!" she yelled.

"Yes?" He asked as he walked out of the kitchen.

"Upstairs we need to talk."

"Yes Ma'am."

The two walked upstairs into their bedroom.

"Claire's parents just called." Audrey stated. She was confused and angry. No one threatened her with a lawsuit.

"And..." Walter continued. He could tell his wife was angry.

'And Claire's pregnant and they swear that Drake is the father."

"Drake wouldn't do something like that would he?" Walter questioned. He didn't know Drake that well, but he was pretty sure that he wouldn't do something like that.

"No, he wouldn't. I don't think he did. I have an idea. I'm going to take him up north, up to where I grew up. I'll ask him. Walter you take care of Josh and Megan for a week. I'll be back soon." Audrey said as she haphazardly threw clothes into a duffle bag.

"Good idea." Walter added. "Audrey, just remember that I love you and don't confront Drake, don't blame him."

"I won't."

* * *

Claire was sitting on her bed crying when her father stormed into her room.

"Claire, get ready to go. You're getting an abortion tonight. I don't care what you have to say. There's no way in hell you're having this baby." Her father yelled as he threw some clothes into a bag. "We're going to Arizona to get this done. No if's and's or but's." He said as he threw the duffle at her. "And while we're there we're going to spend some quality time together."

"Daddy, I want to have this baby. You can't make me have an abortion." Claire cried harder.

"Yes I can. And you have no say in this. As long as you're a minor I make all your medical decisions." He said as he stomped out of the room.

"He can't just do that." Claire stated softly. "He won't. I'm leaving." She packed the duffle with all the baby thing's she had bought, all her money, and more clothes. She was going to the one place that she knew she'd be safe. Drakes. She snuck down the staircase and made it to the garage. She walked towards the back yard and ran for it. Drake's house was only a few blocks away she could make it there.

* * *

And there you have it my first post in about three months. Sorry to keep you all waiting but I've been so gosh darn busy. With drama, school, work and my AP Classes. Well I had a mini vaca this weekend and I don't have much homework...and I'm on a role so I plan on busting out at least two more chapters. This story is almost done I think...I have a few more plot twists up my sleeves and few more story ideas brewing so...this isn't the last you'll hear from me.


	13. City of Lights

Chapter 13

City of Lights

* * *

Claire ran as fast as she could, the duffle bag swinging around, slowing her down. It was only a matter of time her father found out she was gone. It wouldn't take long for him to find out she was at Drake's house. She reached the Parker-Nichols doorstep. She knocked on the door, Josh answered. She was gasping for air, tears stained her cheeks, and her hair was dishelveled.

"Claire...What happened to you?" Josh questioned as she walked in and he shut the door.

"No time to explain, where's Drake." She said winded.

"He's gone with our Mom, some kind of trip." he stated nervously. He could sense Claire was in trouble.

"You know about me right?" Claire asked looking around the house.

"Yeah, I do. Is this about that?" Josh asked, he was concerned.

"Yeah, this is. I really need to find Drake, do you know where they went?"

"Not sure, I could as my dad."

"Do it. I don't have much time." She gasped as she followed Josh upstairs.

"Dad. Where did Drake and Mom go?" Josh yelled up to his father.

"Napa, why? I'm not sure I should have told you, but that's where they are. They took their cell phones though." Walter yelled back to his son.

"Thanks." Josh told him. "Napa, they're in Napa. I'm going to call Drake, quick get in the car. I'll take you there." Josh said grabbing the keys of the table.

Claire got into the passenger seat of the Camry. _"No time to worry about driving this car. Nothing's going to happen this time." _Josh told himself. He started the ignition and backed out of the driveway.

"Here call Drake." Josh said throwing Claire his cell phone. "He's speed dial number 1."

"Thanks." Claire pressed the buttons the phone was ringing.

"Drake honey, you're phones ringing." Audrey said shaking her son awake. They were in L.A. and she was finding the hotel they were supposed to be staying in. It was 9:15.

"Thanks Mom." Drake said picking up the phone. It was Josh calling him.

"Josh what's up?" Drake stated casually.

"Drake, it's not Josh, it's Claire." she said nervously. Drake could tell by her voice that something wasn't right.

"What's wrong? Claire, I know something's not right. What happened." Drake asked, he was panicking now. His mother could sense it too. She acted like she wasn't paying attention but she really was.

"I can't explain now. Where are you? Josh and I are in the car trying to find you guys."

"We're in L.A. Claire, what's wrong?" Drake demanded. He wanted answers.

"I said not now, where are you staying?"

"We're trying to find the Best Western. Whoa, found it. We're staying here. It's a long drive you can tell me now."

"No, we'll be there in a few hours. I'll call you when we get to L.A. I love you." Claire said as she hung up the phone.

"I love you too." Drake said not fast enough, he heard the click of her getting off the other line.

"What was that about?" Audrey questioned looking at her son as she turned off the ignition.

"I don't know..." Drake sighed. "I honestly don't know."

* * *

"So where are they?" Josh asked as he got on the highway.

"L.A. They're spending the night at the Best Western." Claire told him. It was 9:20, it wouldn't be another 2 hours until they got to L.A. It'd be 12 in the morning at the latest.

"Claire, that's like 2 hours away. I'll drive you rest." Josh said running his hand through his hair. He didn't want to risk falling asleep and killing not two but three people.

Claire instantly fell asleep, Josh turned up the radio, it always kept him awake while driving. The highway was hypnotic and everytime he could feel himself falling, he played one of Drake's songs, somehow they always managed to keep him awake.

* * *

"Claire sweetie open up, It's mommy." Abigale Johnson said softly as she knocked on her daughters door. She knew her husband had said some pretty harsh things in the heat of the moment, but she knew he didn't mean it. She was here to give her daughter a second chance. She had secretly asked Charlie about it all, he confessed, everything. Even showed her the pictures his friends had made him take. She was honestly disgusted by it all. Her husband still didn't understand it all, he still wanted her to have an abortion. Abbie was here to make sure it was her daughters decision not her husbands.

"Claire open up." Her mother tried once more. She then realized the door was unlocked. "Darling, I'm comming in." she opened the door to find the room empty. The dresser and closet in dissaray. She knew that he daughter had run away and she knew exaclty where to find her. The Parker-Nichols residence.

She ran downstairs and got into her Escalade, she disliked the idea that she flaunted her richness by driving one of those mammoths, but it was Daniels idea in the first place. He wanted her to be safe and luxourious at the same time. She parked on the curb outside the Parker-Nichols residence and got out of the car. Walter answered the door, he was about as frantic as she looked.

"Come in." Walter said inviting a woman he'd never seen before in. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea who you are." Walter confessed.

"I'm Abbie Johnson, Claire's mother." She said sitting down on their couch. "Is Claire here by any chance?" She asked looking around for any sign of her daughter.

"No I don't think she is. As a matter of fact neither of my sons are home. Drake is out with his mother on a trip and to be honest I have no idea where Josh is. It's so unlike him to not leave a note. The camry's gone and everything." Walter ranted.

"I have an idea what's going on." Abbie stated. "Claire probably came over here looking for Drake. He wasn't here so she decided that she'd go find him and Josh would help her. It explains a lot. Where are Drake and Mrs. Parker?" Abbie asked.

"They're heading to Napa. But I believe they're staying in L.A. for the night." Walter explained.

"If we find Drake, we'll find Claire and Josh. Let's go, we have 2 hours and we can take my car." Abbie said stainding up.

"I can't leave Megan alone. I'll go get her." Walter said as he walked towards the stairs.

"I'll be waiting in the car."

* * *

"rooms 32 and 33, on the 4th floor." The concierge told Audrey as he handed her the keys.

"We're not sharing a room. Sweet." Drake smiled as his mother handed him his key.

"They're conjoined rooms, we'll leave the doors open. This way we get a little more privacy. I don't need you sneaking off at night doing god knows what in L.A." Audrey stated as they borded the elevator. The two shared a ride of silence. Drake was too busy worring about Claire to think about anything else. Not even the fact he was in L.A. where movie stars and agents roamed the streets.

The two exited the elevators and entered their rooms. Drake threw his guitar and duffle down on the first bed and opened the door so his mom wouldn't freak.

"Drake, try to get some sleep." Audrey said as she kissed her sons head, an act she hadn't done since he was a little boy.

"I'll try. Claire said she'd call when she got to L.A." Drake told her. He checked the time. It was nearing 10. She and Josh wouldn't be here until at least 12..

"You have some time until then. Good night."

"Good night."

Drake walked into the small bathroom and threw on a pair of flannel pajama pants. He brushed his teeth and got into bed. He didn't feel like sleeping much so he turned the t.v. on. Nothing that interesting was on, but he liked the hum and the glow of the screen. It was rather soothing. Probably because he used to fall asleep on the couch next to his father when he was little. He watched as the light when out in his mothers room. He got up and opened the guitar bag, his journal was sitting there, he hadn't written in it in a long time. He finally felt the need to now. He grabbed a pen off of the desk and sat back down on the bed and began to write.

_Well, here I am again, writing in this stupid journal. I don't know what it is that keeps bringing me back here, but there's something magnetic about it. Anyway, it's been so long and so much has changed. Claire's pregnant and yes we're back together. Josh has a new girlfriend, Marissa, she's good for him. He deserves something nice in his life. By the way I'm in L.A. maybe I can convince my mother to stay here a day or two. I just want to see the city. Claire's on her way, Josh is bringing her. She sounds worried, I'm scared for her. I don't know what it means. Then again I don't know why I do half the things I do. I agreed to help her with the baby, I agreed to be it's father. I think that means I'll have to marry Claire. It's not that I would mind that. Actually I'd love to marry her. It'd be the perfect ending. I'm tired now. I'm going to try to sleep before she get's here._

_Drake_

With that Drake closed the journal and turned off the light. He didn't sleep very heavily considering the weight that was on his mind.

* * *

Walter and Abbie were driving down the highway as fast as possible. Both wide awake, both sipping on coffee's they'd bought at Starbucks, both containing inhuman ammounts of espresso. Megan was asleep in the backseat. Walter had quickly packed a duffle for her and a duffle for him. He figured if they were all going to be in L.A. why not take an unplanned family vacation. It was close to 10:30. They were almost there. They'd just entered Oceanside. They'd been on the road for about 40 minutes, only an hour and 45 minutes left.

* * *

"Claire, wake up." Josh said nudging her awake. They had just exited the highway and he could see the city lights.

"mmm..." She moaned opening her eyes. "We there yet?" She asked sitting up. The clock on the dash read 11:55.

"Yeah, we just got off the highway. You better call Drake." Josh said handing her the cell phone. She dialed the numbers. She hoped she wasn't waking him up.

Drake's phone rang next to his head. He hadn't wanted to miss this call so he kept the phone close to him.

"Claire...you're close right?" Drake asked.

"Yeah, 15 minutesish. We just got off the highway." She said softly. "We'll be there soon."

"Good, I'll wait up for you. We're staying at the Best Western, you'll find us." Drake soothed. Just hearing her voice calmed him down. He knew hearing his calmed her too.

"Talk to you then." Claire said as she hung up.

Drake placed the phone down on the nightstand and decided to take a shower. He got out, the sound must have woken his mother up because she was sitting on the second bed in his room. Coffee in her hands, she was all dressed too.

"Mom, sorry, I didn't mean to get you up." Drake said as he put on deodorant and pulled a Beatles tee over his head.

"You didn't. Walter called. I guess he and Mrs. Johnson are on their way too. They just got off the highway. Megan's with them." Audrey explained quietly. "This whole thing is just so confusing." she sighed.

"I never expected or wanted any of this to happen. All over a baby. A baby that Claire never even asked for." Drake said his voice getting louder. "She knew this was going to happen. That's why she didn't want to tell her parents." Drake blamed himself. HIs mother could see that.

"Drake, honey it's not your fault. She needed to tell them. She couldn't have gone much longer without doing it could she?" She asked.

"No, she's already three months. It's really sureal mom. I don't understand why I want to be there for her so bad." He was now sitting on the bed next to his mother. She placed her arm around him.

"It's because you love her Drake. And you know what, I'm proud of you. You didn't just leave her when you found out. Drake, I can tell she's changed you. It's obvious in everything that you do these days. I honestly wouldn't mind you staying with her, even possibly marrying her. Drake, she's just as much a part of my life as she is yours. I can say that I would help you two with the baby, watch it during the day while you two go to school. I want you two to finish out your senior year." Audrey explained to her son. She couldn't help the tears falling. He couldn't either.

"Thanks." was all the managed to get out. The two shared a moment they hadn't in a while. They sort of knocked down the walls of the past and built bridges to the future.

"Wow, we made it." Claire gasped as they stepped out of the car. Josh opened the trunk and pulled out their bags. He locked the car and they walked in.

"Thank god it's still open." Josh sighed.

"Can I help you?" The concierge asked. It was apparent that he was tired and just wanted his shift to be over.

"One room or two?" Josh asked Claire.

"I don't think we need one. We'll just room with Drake and your mother." Claire explained.

"Could you tell us where Audrey Parker-Nichols is staying? I'm her son." Josh explained.

"Sure, let me look that up for you. Do they know you're comming?" The guy asked as he typed on the computer.

"Yeah, they do."

"Room's 32 and 33, 4th floor. Have a nice night or morning. Whatever."

Claire and Josh boarded the elevator. They got out and found the two rooms. Josh knocked on the door. Audrey answered it.

"Josh, Claire glad you made it." She said as she hugged both of them. "Josh you're father is on the way, along with your sister and Claire's mother." she told them as she grabbed their bags and placed them on the floor.

"Wait my mother's comming?" Claire asked a look of terror washed over her face. "She can't be comming she just can't. That was the whole reason I left. She can't..." Claire cried as Drake went over and pulled her into a hug.

"Mom, I'm taking a shower." Josh said as he went into her bathroom. Audrey went over to the dresser, she was already making another pot of coffee, the coffee that came with the room.

"Claire, tell us what happened." Drake said as he walked her over to the bed. They both sat down and held hands. His mother was in the room, he didn't want to do much more than that.

"You two want coffee?" Audrey asked pouring a cup for herself.

"Yeah, sure." They both said in unison. She poured two more cups and handed it to the two of them.

"Claire you ready to tell us now?" Drake asked as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Yeah, well, I told my parents everything. That it was Charlies friends who did it. They didn't believe me. I think my mother might have, but my father, he didn't at all. He kept yelling at me and telling me I couldn't see you again because it was all your fault. Then he told me that he was taking me to Nevada or something to get an abortion because too many people knew him here. I didn't want to and that's basically when I decided to run away." Claire recalled the events.

"He can't make you do that can he?" Drake asked, looking at his mother for reassurance.

"Because I'm a minor he can. It's not fair." Claire sobbed. Drakes mother nodded, that's when he knew it was true. They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Walter, here let me take Megan." Audrey said as she opened the door.

"Mommy, where are we?" Megan asked. She was still tired.

"It's not important right now, why don't we put you back to bed. She placed her down on the bed she'd been sleeping on. Megan quickly dozed off again.

"Claire, I'm so glad your safe. I was really worried about you." Abbie said as she went over and hugged her daugher. "Charlie told me everything. Claire baby I believe you. Your father is another story but as long as I'm with you he won't do those things."

"Audrey, is Josh okay?" Walter questioned looking around for his son.

"Yeah, he is." Josh said as he dried his hair off with a towel.

"So we're all okay now." Drake stated as he looked around the hotel room. "We're all okay."

"Well let's try to get some sleep. Drake, Claire, Josh you all sleep in the other room take Megan with you." Audrey said as she handed Megan to Drake. The four of them walked into the other room. Drake and Claire slept together. It wasn't like they were going to do anything. They just needed the comfort of one another. Plus their families were there. Josh and Megan slept in the same bed. Megan to tired to care.

"Here Abbie, you take this bed and Walter and I will take this one."

"Sounds like a plan."

All the lights turned off by 1:00. The next few hours were spent peacfully sleeping. All of them together, content, at least for a moment.

* * *

ok so I told you I'd pop a few out. At least it's all kind of happy for a moment, but if you've read this fan fic...I'm sure you know that won't last for long. So, in light of everything I hate to tell you all this might be done soon. I can feel the ending comming on. Then again I might just add sequelness on to the end of it...call it an epilouge of sorts. Oh and BTW thank you all you guys who reivew like hours after I post...kind of makes me wonder if you have lives...but then again...anyone who writes fan fiction doesn't really. Still thanks...makes me love this fic even more! ;) keep reading and I'll keep writing.


	14. Reconciliation

Chapter 14

Reconciliation

* * *

Claire awoke, the early morning light was filtering in through the venician blinds in the hotel window. Josh and Megan were soundly sleeping in the bed across from her. Drake's was awake next to her, contently watching her breath. It was enough for him to know that she was here, safe for another day.

She turned over to see him awake, watching her. She smiled, he smiled too. He kissed her, sustaining the need for now.

"Would you two stop with the PDA already?" Josh joked as he got up. Drake and Claire just smiled and kissed again. Josh laughed too.

"I'm going to take a shower." Claire stated as she got up out of the bed. She'd fallen asleep in her clothes, so had Drake.

Claire gathered her things and headed into the bathroom. The sound of the falling water was all that filled the room.

"You love her don't you?" Josh questioned sitting on the bed next to his brother.

"Yeah. I really do." Drake admited. It gave him a good feeling to say it.

"Can you believe we're in L.A. All of us?" Josh asked, sighing.

"Yeah, this past year has been so crazy. I should have seen this comming." Drake laughed slightly.

"It has. Hey, it's our last summer ever." Josh reminded his brother. Drake didn't need it, this was his last summer without a permanent responsibility.

"mmm..."

"Where has it all gone?"

"No idea, soon we'll be adults." Drake added. That pending transition from adolescence to adutlhood was nearing that corner fast. In the next 6 months Drake would ascend that ladder to almost peak maturity, if he hadn't already done so yet.

"Yeah...What do you think we'll be doing in ten years?" Josh asked. "I want to be a doctor." Josh stated sticking his chest out. Drake couldn't help but notice how much weight his brother had lost.

"Why be a doctor?"

"Because you get to help people. They were the people who tried to save Mindy." Josh whispered, a breif wave of depression washed over him.

"oh. I want to be a rock star." Drake muttered.

"We all know that Drake." Josh said as he gently punched his brothers arm. "And to be honest, I'd beat you up if you didn't at least try." Josh threatened jokingly. Drake just smiled.

"You honestly think I'm that good?" Drake asked weary of his own talent.

"Drake, you've won the talent show three years in a row. That's talent." Josh stated.

"You helped me win that last one." Drake said solomnly

"But Drake, you're amazing." Josh told his brother. "Well you think about that one, I'm going to see if Mom and Dad are awake." Josh left the room. His mom, dad, and Mrs. Johnson sitting there sipping on coffee.

"Hey." Josh said as he sat down at the desk.

"Josh, we're going to go eat breakfast in a few minutes. Everyone ready? Megan up?" Audrey questioned her step son.

"Claire's in the shower, but Drake's up. Want me to go get Megan up?"

"Sure, tell them we'll be leaving in 15 minutes and to dress for walking, we're going to spend a few days in the city." She informed Josh.

"Will do. Drake you hear that?" Josh asked walking into the room. Josh grabbed a pair of jeans out of his duffle and grabbed a short sleeved black tee and a track jacket. He quickly dressed while Claire was still in the bathroom. He sat down and pulled on his tennis shoes. Josh had changed a lot too. He'd grown out of his shell and he'd also dropped a 150 lbs, which was an amazing task. After Mindy's death he just felt the need to do something and instead of taking his greif out in eating, he worked out. He devoted the rest of his time here making himself feel better. He thanked Mindy for that. He looked over at his brother who was also pulling on his shoes.

Josh knew that Drake was a man of few words, but the words that came out in due time were always meaningfull. Drake was like that, sort of the silent, yet rambunctious type. He lived vicariously through his music, his music, his guitar was his sole and Josh knew better than to second judge whatever Drake told him. Drake was that kind of person that would tell you something only when he a) trusted you b) felt it was time. Josh respected it. Both the boys had grown up over this past year, leaving their antics of Marrying foreign girls, making bets about who could give up junk food and video games the longest, driving dune buggys when they weren't allowed, fighting over stupid foam fingers, and using the other for their own benifits.

Claire walked out of the bathroom to see the two boys sitting down in silence.

"Claire, we're spending the day in L.A. wear comfortable clothing." Drake said as he went over to wake Megan up.

"Megan." He said softly as he shook her awake.

"What do you want you boob?" She questioned as she rolled over away from him.

"Mom wants you to wake up and get dressed. We're spending the day in L.A." Drake told his sister. He got up and pulled out a pair of her pants and a short sleeved shirt and sweater for her. He laid them down next to the bed. Megan'd had a long night and Drake was hungry anyway. Megan walked into the bathroom and got dressed quickly. Claire smiled, Drake had just proven that he was father material by being the nice older brother to Megan. If that's what she had to look foward too, she was glad.

"Let's go." Mrs. Parker yelled as the whole gang congregated in the one room. "Everyone here?" She asked as she got nods of approval.

They all ate breakfast at an IHOP right next to the beach. Audrey was never a big fan of hotel breakfasts anyway. For one moment everyone at the table was content, for one moment nothing could go wrong, nothing seemed impossilbe, for once everyone was happy, healthy, and there weren't any fears, regrets, or shame. The sun rose higher, it was going to be a beautiful day in L.A.

After breakfast they all walked down the streets, looking at the little boutiques, the thrift stores, the big chains. Claire and Drake walked hand in hand, so did Audrey and Walter, Josh carried Megan on his shoulders, Abbie walked alone, but not out of the group.

"How about we all stop here and get something?" Audrey said as she pointed out a little gift shop. "We can all get a shirt or something." She stated as she handed everyone a $20. "It's on me. Don't worry." She said as she met Abbies gaze. The two women shared simillarities. Both had this unspoken acceptance of the other and an understanding of their childrens love.

They each picked out something and went to the beach to relax. Claire's mother bought her a swim suit and Walter bought everyone in his clan one. Claire and Josh were looking for seashells with Megan. Both starting a deep friendship in the process. Drake hung back on the beach. Never one to like the water much. Audrey and Walter went to go get lunch for everyone, Mrs. Johnson stayed back on the beach, left with Drake.

"Just so you know Drake, I appreciate what you've done for my daughter." Mrs. Johnson said as she turned towards Drake who was digging his toes in the sand.

"What do you mean?" He asked. There was a lot he'd done for Claire, he didn't know what she ment.

"I mean, being here for her now. Drake I'm not sure if you realize what kind of impact you've had on her. You're her world, don't go breaking her heart now. She needs you." She said turing serious, giving Drake that don't-mess-with-me mother look.

"I don't plan on it. Ever." Drake said back in all seriousness.

"Good. You two will make it. You've got two support systems to fall back on. That's what your parents and I talked about this morning while you were sleeping. I'm sorry Claire's father jumped to conclusions. Sorry he did what he did." She appologized.

"Thank you." was all Drake managed to say.

He watched as the waves rolled on the sand, the sun high in the sky. This was the city where dreams were made, where dreams and lives were shattered. He didn't want anyone to become the Hollywood girl in his song. He didn't want to be the one to stop believing in believing.

* * *

Hate to tell you all that the end is near...but Christmas vaca...actually Thanksgiving Vaca. is comming up...so maybe I'll try my hand at another fic...but to warn you...this is prolly my bestest one EVER...so um...yeah. Maybe I'll do a sequel type thing...but that'd be hard...really hard...but um...I'll try. Expect like 5 maybe 6 more chapters at the most. Sorry if this one doesn't seem very interesting... I'm in the midsts of a transistion thing.

-Mo


	15. Don't go, Not yet

Chapter 15

Don't go, not yet

* * *

6 months later...

The past 6 months had been bliss. Summer came and Drake, Josh, and Claire awaited their senior year. It was a sunny, rather warm, August day. Claire slept in a bright hospital room. She'd just giving birth to a beautiful baby girl a day ago. Drake sat there holding the baby in his arms. He couldn't belive he was here, in this moment, holding _his_ daughter. Claire had decided to name her Elyse after a character in a book she'd read. Drake liked the name, it wasn't something common like Sarah, or Shannon, or Emily. It was originial. Elyse had blond hair and brown eyes just like Claire. It was so amazing to finally see the person that'd been living in and kicking Claire for the past 9 months. All was perfect.

Audrey walked in. Drake looked over at her and stood up, cradling the baby in his arms.

"You take her." Drake whispered as he passed the baby to his moms arms.

"She's beautiful." Audrey sighed.

"Isn't she?" Drake replied.

"Elyse right?"

"Yeah."

"Pretty name."

"Claire picked it out. Quiet though she's sleeping now." Drake said as he looked over at her. She deserved to sleep, she'd done the most amazing thing he'd ever seen in his life.

"She get's to take her home today, right?" Audrey asked as she held the baby.

"Yeah."

"You taking her?"

"I think so, why?" Drake questioned taking Elyse back from his mom.

"We're having a little party at our house. So take her there." Audrey told Drake as she got up. "Well, I've got to get going. I'll see you in an hour or so." She said as she kissed her son and her granddaughter.

"Thanks." He said softly. He sat back down in the chair. "Elyse." he whispered.

Claire stirred. She was up now.

"Hey, you feeling better now?" Drake asked as he got up.

"Yeah, she's awake now." Claire smiled as she took her daughter from Drake.

"Yeah, she's been awake for awhile now." He smiled too. The two people he loved the most in the same room.

"Must be because you're here."

"Must be." Drake joked. Both of them laughed. "We get to leave soon."

"Want to get her dressed?" Claire asked as she motioned for Drake to get the duffle bag she'd brought with her.

"Can we do that?" Drake asked.

"She's my baby and she doesn't have any clothes. I think I'm going to dress her." Claire laughed. She did have a point.

"What do you think she should wear?" Drake asked as he pulled out a pink jump suit and a white one with hearts on it out of the bag.

"Either or. You decide."

"This one." Drake said holding up the pink one. "It has a matching hat." Claire put the clothes on Elyse and wrapped her back up in the blanket she was in.

"I think she picked up on your laidbackness." Claire joked. "She didn't cry once doing that. In fact she hasn't cried all day."

"Once again, it's because I'm here." Drake laughed.

They left the hospital and enjoyed the receving party that their parents had thrown them. A few weeks passed and school was going to start again.

It was a rainy late August night. A few days before school started. Drake had spent the day watching Elyse while Claire went out with her mother and Drake's mother, for a ladies night out. He was now lying in bed thinking, sleep was miles away, he could hear Josh lightly snoring in the next bed over. He heard the knock on the window before Josh did. Figuring it was one of Megans jokes he walked over and threw the window open. Claire was standing at the top of a ladder Megan had left outside the window a few days ago. Both too lazy to take it down. She was soaked and through the rain that drenched her face he could see the glimmer of tears.

"Claire..." Drake gasped as he pulled her in and closed the window. "Here, take this and tell me what happened." He said as he handed a towel and guided her over to the couch.

"Drake, it's not fair. They can't make me do it." She cried as she spoke the words.

"It's not Elyse is it?" He asked, jumping to the first thing he could think of.

"No, she's asleep at home, she's fine. Drake, my dad's making me move. Tommorrow. We're moving to New Hampshire, New Hampshire. I've only been there once, on a school trip in 8th grade. Drake, I don't even know what the hell's in New Hampshire." Claire cried harder. He started to cry too. "Drake, I can't run away this time." she dissovled into sobs and buried her head in his shoulder.

"Stay here tonight." he whispered to her.

"I planned to." she said softly as she pulled back from him. He kissed her. It was one of those 'I love you and I won't let anything hurt you' kisses. He wanted her to know that he meant it too.

"Here." he said getting up and walking towards his dresser. "Take these." He said throwing her a shirt and a pair of pajamas. "And don't worry about ever giving them back." he added as he touched his forehead to hers.

She changed and climbed into his bed with him. The two pulled the blankets up to their chests and faced the other, looking into each others eyes.

"You're not like other girls I've loved." Drake sighed.

"I know." was all she had to say.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They fell asleep, enjoying the last few hours they had with one another in embraced in each others arms. Josh didn't need to worry about this one. He'd heard the whole conversation and felt bad for Drake. He knew what it was like to lose the one you loved.

Morning came and both woke up with tears already filling their eyes.

"It's too soon for you to leave." Drake said as he got up and dressed.

"I know." Claire relpied pulling on her clothes. Josh had dried them for her when he saw them on the couch that morning.

Audrey and Walter already knew, they knew a few weeks ago. Dan had told them, she refused to let that interferre with Drakes life, Claire's parents felt the same way, that's why they told them later. They ate a silent breakfast, words would only complicate the situation more. Claire's parents arrived and she and Drake said their drawn out goodbyes, promising to call and E-mail each other everything. Elyse would know who her father was. They also promised to meet up again a year from now, where ever life took them. Both cried and Drake couldn't watch his one true love drive out of his life like that.

Drake walked inside. The I'm-sorry looks from his parents didn't console him much. He ran upstairs to his room. Josh was there.

"What are you doing here?" Josh demanded

"The love of my life just left. Where else am I supposed to go?" Drake asked tears still falling.

"To meet her at the aeroport, to surpise her." Josh informed his brother. Drake noted the clothes she'd borrowed on the couch.

"I told her to take those." he muttered.

"Take them to her. I'll drive."

The boys left the house and drove as fast as they could to the aeroport. He saw Claire waiting, her parents nowhere in sight. Elyse sleeping in her carseat.

"Claire!" Drake yelled as he ran past baggage carts and jumped luggage to get to her.

"Drake!" She gasped as she hugged him.

"I told you I wouldn't leave that easily." Drake said as he kissed her. Tears falling down both of their cheeks. "Where are your parents?" He asked a smile on his face despite the situation.

"Eating, the flight doesn't leave for another hour." She informed him. A sudden wave of sorrow washed over her.

"It's so cold here." Claire said rubbing her arms.

"Take this." Drake said as he took off the track jacket he'd been wearing earlier. "Keep it, so you'll always have a part of me with you." he smiled as he placed it in her hands. She put in on and zipped it up.

"It smells like you." She whispered as she fell into his arms one last time. "I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave San Diego. I don't want to go back to snow. I don't want to go back to Abercrombie." she cried. Drake rubbed her back.

"I know." was all he managed. "Why are you moving?"

"Elyse, too many people know what happened here. My parents say it's ruining their reputation. Their daughters a whore."

"Thats bull. Claire, that is so not fair. All they care about is themselves. You were raped for crying out loud." Drake said trying to control his anger. It didn't help that she was leaving.

"I know, but I have no control. I swear to god I'll come back as soon as I can. They can't make me stay there."

Elyse started crying. It was almost as though she could feel the sorrow of the situation. Claire picked her up and handed her to Drake.

"She's been crying all morning." Claire stated softly.

"She knows." Drake said looking at Claire.

"That's what I thought too."

They stood there in the terminal waiting the inevitable. Their lives were about to change forever. It seemed as though it was a natural occurence in Drakes life at this time. Elyse fell asleep in Drakes arms. He didn't want to miss her grow up, even though he knew he'd miss the first year of her life. He'd miss her first words, her first steps, he'd miss everything. He'd never once experience the innocence of her. He'd never hear her first say, "Daddy." Then again, he'd never quite be able to picture it because he still didn't quite feel like she was his. He and Claire sat down on the seats. It was then that Claire noticed the paper bag that was addressed to her.

"What's the bag for?" She questioned picking it up.

"One's for you, one's Elyse."

Claire opened the bag. In it was a picture of the two of them at Homecomming. The last true night of careless fun they ever had. It was in a silver frame, but was mounted on white paper with they lyrics to a song written on it. He saw the tears in Claire's eyes.

"It's so you'll always have a lasting memory of what it was like to be carefree." He said with a smile that faded quickly.

"Thank you."

She moved on to the next gift. A pair of denim overalls, a pink stones beanie, a pink track jacket, and pink converse. It also contained a letter. Claire opened it and began to read.

_Elyse,_

_Once upon a time you weren't even a thought in the back of my teenage mind. Lusting after girls, playing guitar, and sleeping in school were my only priorities. Then, I met your mother. She was the single greatest thing to happen to me. I mean that. Even though the story of your conception is one filled with anger, greed, and ill intentions, your mother and I will never think of you that way, you're the one thing that keeps us together. Though you aren't my flesh and my blood, you're still mine. I was the one that spent hours playing you music, telling your stories, trying to protect you from the world. I know I'll never be able to protect you from it. One day the world will tear that wall down and I'll have to let you fly. Too bad that day has come too soon. _

_You'll never know how much I'll regret not being there. I'll never see you take your first step, never hear you say your first word, I'll never experience your infancy, you innocence. It will always haunt me for the rest of my life. But know this, that I love you. I love you and your Mother. The two of you have changed my life in so many ways. As of now, I'll never be whole if I'm not with you. And if I can't be there now, If I can't be your rock in the future, If I never meet you again, this letter will be the memory that you cling too. The thought that someone else is out there for you if you have no where else to go. But I swear, I promise, I cross my heart, that I will find you two. That all this chaos will be gone, forever. And the illusion of happiness will become a reality._

_Promise me you'll be strong, your Mother will need someone to fall on. I'd be the one to catch her, but I'm the one that caused her to fall, so you'll have to do that. Promise me that you'll never once leave the innoncence of childhood, that you'll live carefree as long as you can. That despite the pressure to grow up, don't. Stay as young as you can as long as you can. You only get one life, one youth. Don't be the one to waste it. Promise you'll love like you've never been hurt, to get up when you fall because the only way that you'll make it in life is to fail a dozen times but try a dozen more. Promise you'll treat everyone with the respect that you know you should, don't fall victim to the hatred of this earth, hold your head high and move on, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Never let anyone tell you you're something you know you aren't, don't let them cloud your perception like they did mine. Don't make the mistakes I made._

_-Drake_

"Drake..." Claire began but words weren't needed.

"My father wrote me one. I figured it's almost like his legacy." Drake explained as Claire folded up the letter. Her parents walked back in. Only 5 more minutes until their flight left. Passengers were already boarding.

"Claire, I'm sorry, It's time." Her father said as he and his wife began to board. "We'll save you a seat." They said as the walked away. Elyse woke up the second she was placed in Claires arms.

"She wants you." Claire cried. "It's so unfair, but I know how she feels because I want you too." She said. "Come with me. I don't think I can do this alone." Claire cried. She broke down now. Drake took Elyse from her while she sat down and gathered her belongings.

"You can, you will. Claire you'll find a way. We'll find away. We always find a way." Drake said crying too. He placed the quiet Elyse in her car seat and buckled her in. He placed her blanket over her. "If she crys place the jacket on her because it smells like me, it should work for a little bit." he said as he helped Claire up from the seat. He kissed her for what he knew would be the last time in a long time.

"I don't want you to go."

"I'll always be here. I'm not going to leave San Diego until you come back." He said kissing her once more. She hugged him for the last time. She pulled away but he let his arm linger on hers. Memorizing the way she felt. He picked up Elyse's seat, put the pacifier back into her mouth. Helped Claire carry her things too the entry way. She showed her ticket and grabbed her boarding pass. Drake kissed her one final time, placed the seat in her hand and watched as the two people he truly loved left his life.

The remainder of the flight boarded and he watched as the plane left the runway. She was gone, gone maybe forever. He held on to the glimmer of hope that she'd return. The glimmer that she'd still love him.

He left the aeroport and began the process of healing.

* * *

Claire sat on the plane her Elyses seat next to her, her mother next to the seat. She hugged the sweater closer to her taking in his scent. She knew it would fade, but the smell relaxed her now. If she closed her eyes it was like he was here. She reached her hand into the pocket and pulled out what was inside. She unwrapped the CD that was addressed to her. It was his, on it a sticky note said, _Incase you get lonely or incase Elyse won't stop crying. Her songs are on here. Love Drake_. Claire smiled and placed it in the diaper bag. She opened the letter next.

_Claire,_

_It seems like only yesterday that I met you. The only one sober enough to help me. To be honest I never expected you to do what you did. I never expected you to even help me, I'd been so cruel to you. Then once I found your comfort, I knew that night that I was in love. I knew it. I never expected for a single moment that you'd ever love me. I never expected it. Then again, it's safe to say I never expected half the things that happened this year to happen. And there it goes, the one person I ever loved is leaving my life. I'd like to say not forever but I respect the fact that forever is a possibility. But just know, that I'll always love you and I'll always love Eylse. Not to sound too posessive and self flattering, I don't think you'll find that anywhere you go. I honestly have nothing else to say because it's already been said a hundred times._

_-Drake Parker._

Claire folded the letter and placed it back in her pocket. She leaned her head against the window and watched the clouds fly past in the expanse of the blue sky.

Drake walked into his room. A bottle of moca cola and a bottle of Dr. Fizz along with bowls of gummy bears and cheese balls were laid out on the table. He smiled despit the tears.

"I know it's not much but, how about we play gameshpere, like we used to." Josh said as he handed Drake the controler. "You can have the purple one." Josh joked. A faint smile spread across Drakes face. The memories the two shared in this room were endless. They were about to start the final chapter of their life in a few days, their senior year.

"One glass of Dr. Fizz..." Josh started.

"One glass of Moca Cola..." Drake finished.

"Mixed half and half for optimum drinking pleasure." They stated in unison.

The two boys enjoyed a fleeting moment of immaturity and good old fun before the embarked on the painful road that lay ahead. Claire called later that night. Josh had never seen Drake cry so much in his life. The one girl he'd ever loved, the one girl he'd ever dated for more than three days...was gone from his life. Like every other thing that he loved had.

* * *

Fin

* * *

okay so...for all of you. That's the end of it. But don't worry, this is a TRILOGY! I know you can all party now because that means theres two more. The next one will be boring probably...but the last one...well...that'll be fun.

Okay hope you all like it. I'm starting a Josh centric fic next so for those of you who love Josh...it's cool for you.

-Mo


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